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Shane Kohler

3 People Who Will Usually Take Up Too Much Space In Your Life



There's a great quote that says something like, "A person is the average of the 5 people they spend the most time with."


I'm not sure if that's exactly how it goes, but the meaning is still there. The environment that we surround ourselves with has a massive impact on our thoughts, emotions, decisions, and ultimately our life results.


Something we often coach in our programs is that if you want something in life you have to know and associate with people who have it and/or are working on having it. For example, if you want a conscious, Loving relationship, you need to figure out how to create relationships with people who are in relationships like that, as well as people who are also looking to create that for themselves.


That's one of the reasons we Love our Mastermind groups so much, because we get to connect each week with a group of committed people and have a deep, insightful conversation about conscious relationships, how they look, and how to create them.


If fighting, arguing, lying, cheating, etc. have been part of all of your past relationships, your parents had a relationship like that, all the people you know have relationships like that, when we say that we have a relationship where we never fight and always treat each other with kindness, you might think we're lying about it.


Then even though you might want a relationship like that, you'll doubt that it even exists or assume that it only exists for someone else but not for you.


Maybe it's not about lying and cheating but simply about having relationships with no depth and intimacy. Maybe you believe that men can't be vulnerable or honest. Maybe you believe that you'll never meet someone that you can have a deep, thoughtful conversation with, or someone who takes your feelings into consideration before they make a decision. Maybe you assume that all people get angry and speak harsh words to each other and just accept that behavior as being normal.


Our point is that you can only know to be true what you see and experience on a regular basis. We've met so many amazing men and women who never saw how amazing they are because they surrounded themselves with less than amazing people and assumed they were just like the people in their groups of family and friends.


It can be difficult to cut ties with those people that are holding you back and of course, you may not cut those ties completely, but if you want a fulfilling life and a healthy, loving relationship, you'll at least need some solid boundaries in place to protect you.


This is such a big issue that we thought we should share some insights on it. Here are 3 ways that you know when someone doesn't belong in your life anymore.



#1 Their Lifestyle is Very Different From the Lifestyle That You Want


I used to think that you hang out with your friends because they're your friends, but then I realized that people don't just hang out, they are drawn together to hang out because they share a common purpose. If you don't share that common purpose with someone, you're not going to spend much time with them no matter how much you like them.


This point is so important and it's so often overlooked. Most people are just busy doing whatever their friends and family are doing, and that's potentially a problem, especially when your friends and family don't have the lifestyle you want.


If you don't have a self-generated purpose, you will accept the purpose of the people around you. And if you do that, your life will pass you by and you will never be fulfilled.


Let's say you want a Loving, intimate relationship and all of your relationships in the past have not been that. Whatever you've been doing to meet those people, wherever you've been going, and whoever's been taking you there needs to change.


Some people say they want a conscious relationship but then surround themselves with people who complain and talk about how terrible their relationships are or how awful men/women are. That environment doesn't allow for a Loving relationship to show up or for you to even believe it exists.


There are good people in the world looking for Love. If you're not meeting them, that's more about your strategy not working than it is about them not being there.


This goes for everything: If you want to make more money, you have to be in environments where people are making money. If you want a healthy lifestyle, you have to be connected to people who have one. If you want to grow spiritually, you put yourself in environments where that is happening.


You may care deeply about some people in your life and yet decide that the lifestyle you want requires meeting new people and that you need some space to do so. A real friend will understand that you're doing what's right for you and they'll want to support that.



#2 Your Exes... Let Them Go


If you're someone who feels a deep need to remain friends with your Ex, we'd encourage you to question what that's all about.


In most cases, it has more to do with not being ready to move on than it does a true desire for friendship. The only real value that relationships have is the extent to which they allow you to grow, to become a better person. Usually, once a relationship ends, it's helped you grow as much as it could in that respect and now it's time to help you grow in a new way--through distance.


This goes especially if the relationship was highly toxic or hurtful, and sometimes those are the ones that we cling to the most.


Going through a separation with someone that you Loved is never easy and contact with that person just makes it more difficult 100% of the time. Something you have to do in a breakup is discover who you are without that person, learn to be confident without them, learn to Love yourself without them. Keeping them around makes this process a lot harder.


When you keep them around, you use them as a crutch to mitigate the pain of loss. Doing this prevents you from moving on and also sabotages potential new relationships. It makes it easier in the short term but harder in the long term. If you continue sleeping with them, multiply that by 10.


In most cases, if the relationship was something that was going to help you grow and become your best self, it wouldn't have ended in the first place.


The more able you are to accept the change and move on from the past, the more quickly you'll rebuild your confidence and move on to a relationship that is meant to last.



#3 Anyone Who Criticizes, Belittles, and/or Doesn't Believe in You


Something you've definitely heard if you've been following us for a long time is that we have a zero-tolerance policy for people who name-call, make personal attacks, gossip, insult, or tear you down.


Whether it's a friend, family member, boyfriend, or spouse, nobody has the right to speak to you in a disrespectful manner.


It's very sad to us how commonplace this behavior is for so many people and how willing people are to accept it as normal. As we've said already, if you tolerate people in your life who treat you this way, you will not expect more from anyone and will therefore not get more from them.


Insults and gossip, even among friends, are incredibly toxic. Relationships should be something that uplift and fulfill you. As we've said, you should become better because of them. People who bring you down with the things they say or with their actions are not real friends. They don't really have your wellbeing in mind.


True friends want you to succeed, they want to see you do well. True friends believe in you and they encourage you.


Someone who cares about you would never engage in behavior that is hurtful to you. They also won't allow you to do it to yourself without saying something. People who help you justify your own self-sabotaging behavior are more concerned with their own need for approval than they are your happiness.

Consider this question: "What relationships are you entertaining in your life that are diminishing your worthiness?"


Be it a friend or romantic interest, any relationship that has you feel less about yourself because of them is not a relationship worth maintaining.

Anytime you put yourself in a position where you feel like you are not good enough for someone else or you have to be more or different somehow for them, that is an attack on your own self-esteem and you will feel less about who you are because of it.



Creating a Conscious Relationship is not just about meeting the right person. It's also about having the right lifestyle, surrounding yourself with the right people, and filling all of the areas of your life with those things that uplift and fulfill you.


People are such a huge part of this process. One of the reasons that having a coach is such an essential part of a masterful life is that it's a practice in which you take time each week to connect with someone who has what you are looking to create and they help you focus on how you can have that too.


A coach is one way to do it, but whatever you choose to do, it's important to be around people who are living examples of the kind of life you want to have (and not be around people who aren't).


You have to see it in front of you, that's how you know it's real. When you need advice, you have to get it from someone who is actually living the kind of life you want. If you get advice from someone who isn't, they're actually going to send you in the wrong direction.


Our Epic Love Mastermind Groups are a great way to connect with people who are on the same page and working to create Conscious Relationships. If you're interested in joining in, click here for more info and to schedule an introductory call.


Our wish for you is a life filled with relationships that uplift and inspire you! We hope you find the Love that you're looking for.


Thanks for reading <3







Thank you so much for enjoying our content! Our greatest joy comes from knowing that people like you are using it to transform their lives and relationships and that the world is becoming a better place because of it.


We know the feeling of being alone, of struggling through what seems like an endless series of dead-end relationships, of waiting for the phone to ring, of being rejected and let down again.


We know what it's like to go to bed alone each night wondering if that will ever change and fearing that it might not.


We know these experiences all too well and that is why we do the work we do. We want you to know that you can find Love, that just the application of these simple tools and practices can make a complete difference in every aspect of your Love life and ultimately lead you to the lifetime partnership you so deeply crave.


You're not in this alone. We're here for you <3


Please keep enjoying our content and if you'd like to learn about joining one of our coaching programs, click here.

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