Some of the women we work with are among the most incredible people we know. They are accomplished, powerful, creative, and talented. Many of them rise to the top in almost every environment they're in.
People look up to them, admire them, and want to be like them. They seem to "have it all" and be the ones that can do anything.
That's why when they come to us, they are plagued by these questions:
Why can't I meet someone?
Why can't I make a real connection?
Why can't I find Love?
It can feel like a mystery when you're someone who is talented, successful, and admired. People Love you but you can't find someone to really Love you in the way that you want to be Loved.
This can lead to all kinds of questions and fears, thinking there's something wrong with you and doubting that you'll ever meet someone. You may start to feel unattractive, intimidating, or think you drive men away.
You may be telling yourself that the right person will come along but in your heart, you doubt if that's really true. Maybe you tell yourself that you don't need anyone, that you've got it all under control, and while you may, you still can't entirely shake that longing to share your life with someone.
You may not even let yourself say what you want out loud but somewhere inside you know you desire to Love and be Loved and that's a dream that never seems to go away no matter how defeated you may feel about it.
If these are your thoughts, you're not alone in this. We've known many people who shared these same feelings and we've been those people too. Even if you believe you're doomed, we promise that you're not, but you might have some habits that are limiting your connection with other people.
In this post we're sharing the 3 primary reasons why powerful women struggle to find Love.
#1 Convincing yourself that you don't need someone is a great way to never meet someone
If you're someone who is powerful in their own right and can provide for themselves in most respects, you probably hate the idea of needing a man. While we're not arguing that you "need" a man or that you can't do it yourself, we want to point out that something nobody can provide for themselves is partnership.
You don't need a man to pay your bills or take care of you in certain ways, but you do need other people--not to survive, but to thrive. Not needing someone on a financial or material level doesn't mean that you don't need someone on an emotional and even spiritual level.
Relationships are an essential part of life, an essential part of becoming everything that we're meant to become. This is simply not a task that can be accomplished alone. To avoid relationships is to avoid a very vital aspect of life fulfillment.
It's not that you need someone, it's that you want to need them. Trying to convince yourself that you don't need someone is going against those very things that you desire most in your heart.
We all want someone to be there for us, someone that we can rely on. We want someone to care about the things that are important to us and support us on our life journey. This is a very human desire and acting like you don't want that is actually unattractive to a person who wants to give that to you.
Stop convincing yourself that you don't need anybody and recognize how much you do. Honestly accept how much more enjoyable life will be with a partner. Be vulnerable enough to honestly desire it, that's the only way it will come to you.
#2 Stop waiting for them to make the move and learn to be seductive
If you've ever seen a man you're attracted to and thought to yourself, "If he's really interested, he'll come talk to me," you're wrong.
We tend to think that men approach women because men traditionally have the role of being the initiator and the pursuer. Men should be the ones to pursue, but the woman must challenge him to pursue.
If you want a man to approach you, you have to let him know that the door is open. Rarely will a man approach a woman without her opening the door for him first, and if he tries, it usually doesn't go well for him.
You have to open the door and invite him in. There are 2 steps to this:
First, you have to shorten the distance between you.
Let's say you're in a cafe and you see an attractive man sitting across the room. Even if you connect eyes with him and smile, it's unlikely he's going to come across the room to introduce himself. If it doesn't go well, he has to do the walk of shame all the way back to his seat and the whole room will watch him do it. That's too risky.
So you close in the distance, you get a seat next to him. That way, a casual connection can take place.
Step 2, you have to create a legitimate opportunity for him to speak to you. You give him an actual opening to take action.
Using the cafe example, now that you're sitting next to him you might say, "I'm going to refill my coffee. Can you watch my things for a moment?"
You've just given him an opportunity to be a hero, which is important (we'll talk about that in a moment). Of course, he'll say yes. And now you have a relationship: he is the guardian of your things, he is more special to you than anyone else in the room.
When you get back, you thank him and ask him how his morning is going. Now you're in a conversation--the door is open for him. If he wants to connect with you he can do so safely. If he chooses not to, there's no harm done, all you were doing was being friendly anyway.
This is the art of seduction. In a playful and casual way, you invite a man into a relationship with you. They think it's their idea, but really you set it up all along.
We sometimes mistake being guarded for being powerful. True power is not about blocking anyone out, it's about knowing how to navigate relationships to get the result that you want.
If you are too proud to open the door in this way, you could be the most beautiful woman in the room and no man would speak to you. You may catch their eye, but if they don't feel an opening, they won't go for it.
#3 Doing it all yourself is not sexy
A fundamental masculine need is to feel needed and useful, to be a hero. A woman who knows how to create a powerful relationship with her man knows how to allow him to have this experience.
Being a powerful woman doesn't mean being more powerful than a man, it means owning a different kind of power. He takes care of you not because you need him to, but because it makes him happy to do so and you enjoy it as well.
A truly powerful woman doesn't need to constantly assert her power. She knows she has it and isn't afraid of losing it. Therefore, she can relax and allow her man to feel in charge, allow him to be the hero for her.
Not only does she allow it, but she expects it. She allows herself to want to be cared for. And therefore anyone who wants the opportunity to be with her has to do just that.
Allowing a man to feel this way is incredibly sexy. A powerful man will not be happy in a relationship where his woman is constantly competing with him. Going back to some points we made earlier, allowing a man to take care of you doesn't mean you need him to, it simply means you enjoy it and he enjoys it too.
Relationships are about taking care of each other and allowing the other person to care for us. They're about giving the other person a sense of belonging where they can feel at home. If you deprive someone of this because you don't want to lose control, you will limit the depth of the relationship and it will become unfulfilling. Relationships like this can't last.
We all want to be genuinely cared for. We don't allow it for different reasons but at the core, they're really all about fear:
Fear of being vulnerable
Fear that if we let our guard down and they see who we really are, they won't want us anymore
Fear that if we reveal our weaknesses, they'll be manipulated or taken advantage of
Fear that we'll fall for someone and they'll leave us
Fear of putting ourselves out there and being rejected
Fear causes us to become closed off, tough, and difficult to connect with. Fear causes us to push away what we want the most. Fear leads us to unfulfilling relationships because we'd rather have what we don't want than risk getting what we do want and losing it.
Fear leads to loneliness whether you're in a relationship or not.
Sometimes what we think of as showing our power is really a clever way of avoiding.
Why do powerful women struggle with Love? It's because they aren't really owning their power, not completely. They are ignoring the power that comes through vulnerability and femininity. They are trying to be more powerful than someone else rather than simply being amazing in their own right.
If you've learned some of these habits we want to assure you that you can unlearn them. Like anything else, it takes awareness and practice. These are some of the primary focuses in our Epic Love programs. If you're ready to experience an openness and freedom in your relationships like you've never had before, click here. We'd Love to be a part of your journey.
Lots of Love, thanks for reading <3
Thank you so much for enjoying our content! Our greatest joy comes from knowing that people like you are using it to transform their lives and relationships and that the world is becoming a better place because of it.
We know the feeling of being alone, of struggling through what seems like an endless series of dead-end relationships, of waiting for the phone to ring, of being rejected and let down again.
We know what it's like to go to bed alone each night wondering if that will ever change and fearing that it might not.
We know these experiences all too well and that is why we do the work we do. We want you to know that you can find Love, that just the application of these simple tools and practices can make a complete difference in every aspect of your Love life and ultimately lead you to the lifetime partnership you so deeply crave.
You're not in this alone. We're here for you <3
Please keep enjoying our content and if you'd like to learn about joining one of our coaching programs, click here.