When you're dating, you have the single most valuable resource: TIME.
There is a process that anyone can go through that will ultimately result in finding True Love. As we like to say, we tested this process with each other and then proved it with hundreds of people like you.
If this process works (and we have no doubt that it does), then why do some people never find Love?
Our answer is simple--they don't give themselves the time.
Instead, they waste time either chasing relationships that will never work or avoiding relationships altogether and then end up running out of time. The older you get, the more challenging dating becomes. We're not saying it has to be that way, but that seems to be the honest experience of most people.
The longer you go without Love, the more likely you are to remain without it. And the more time you spend in unfulfilling relationships, the more you will believe that's all that's out there.
To find Love you need to actively engage in dating--that goes without saying. But to find Love you also need to actively engage in leaving people that cannot and /or will not give you what you want.
That's what this post is about.
This week's blog is about knowing when to walk away and we're going to share 3 specific signs that let you know it's time. Part of finding Love is moving on at the right time, and something you have to learn is when that right time comes around.
Waiting, hoping, and wishing that one day a relationship will become what you want it to be is one of the greatest obstacles that you will face. We know how enticing it can be and how you can justify one more month or even a year to see if that person comes around.
That's why we're sharing this with you, so that you'll know what to look for and you won't be fooled into believing that that relationship is something that it isn't.
Please keep in mind that this post is written for someone who is in a relatively new relationship, a few months to a year. While the principles are the same, the conversation would be different if we were speaking to a couple that's been together for several years.
Let's begin. Here are the 3 Sure Signs That You Should End It:
#1 They aren't making it exclusive
If you're familiar with our content then you've probably heard us speak about the natural progression of a relationship from just dating to making it official to making a commitment like moving in together, etc.
Relationships should follow this natural progression and they should do so along a certain timeline. When someone prevents this natural progression, they are showing you that they don't really want a relationship. They might want some company, a sexual partner, even a friend (most times with benefits), but that's not the same thing as wanting a relationship.
The first big step you take in this progression is the transition from just dating and getting to know each other to becoming an exclusive couple. People may tend to make this step a much bigger deal than it actually is, especially when they are trying to avoid taking it.
If someone doesn't want to be exclusive with you then they don't really want a relationship with you. Don't fool yourself into believing otherwise.
It's not asking too much to ask someone to stop seeing other people and give a relationship with you an honest chance. 3 months is the maximum amount of time that we allot to have someone be willing to make it exclusive (that may even be too long in most cases).
If you truly want a relationship and you allow someone to drag on and on without showing you the smallest promise of it (which is making it exclusive), you are only setting yourself up for pain and rejection. We don't have to tell you this (because you know)--the longer you allow this to go on, the more it hurts.
We find that in general, men will tend to drag it on and women will be more likely to want a relationship. Of course, there are cases of the reverse, but we've found this to be more common. Women often feel helpless waiting for a man to make up his mind about her, and when this happens she's forgotten one important thing--women teach men how to treat them.
You always get what you allow in relationships. If you allow little to no commitment, then that's all you'll ever have. When you require commitment, you will meet people who want to commit and naturally eliminate those that don't.
#2 They don't have boundaries with other men/women
This is a really basic principle of exclusivity, but it is often overlooked and disregarded. Someone who is willing to be exclusive with you won't just tell you that, they will live it.
Conscious couples live their lives as a representative of their Love. They represent the relationship that they have and they are proud of it. They aren't trying to hide it or downplay it--they want people to know about it.
And even if you've allowed people to have blurry lines in the past, if you're honest with yourself, you'll find that you really do want someone who will represent your Love in this way.
In a new relationship, while you may not be the full representation that you'll become in time, you could be the potential of the representation. And that's the key--potential.
Someone who wants a relationship actually behaves differently than someone who's simply "playing the field". Not only will they be willing to make it exclusive but they will represent that exclusivity in their relationships with other men and women.
Most people act like "not cheating" is enough, but not cheating is simply the most basic of commitments, far from the ideal. The person you really want a relationship with will live their life in a way that others don't even think something could happen between them, that others have a clear understanding of where they stand and would never even attempt to cross that line.
All too often we see people being "touchy-feely" with others in a way that clearly makes their partners uncomfortable. They put themselves in intimate settings with people who are clearly interested in them, and carry on text-message or phone conversations that are emotionally intimate in nature.
While this is not "cheating" per se, contextually it comes from the same place. It is a lack of being all-in with the relationship. This is a person who wants the benefits of a relationship without having to also give it the respect that it deserves.
Your Love, attention, and energy are incredibly valuable. Just like something that costs $1000 cannot be purchased for $100, you should never give them to anyone who doesn't recognize and honor their value.
A relationship with you is not a convenience, it is a gift only to be given to someone who shows themselves as worthy of it. If that sounds ridiculous to you, that says a lot about how much you value yourself and it's something that you definitely want to start looking into if you want to create a conscious, loving, committed relationship.
#3 They aren't willing to work for the relationship
Following the idea of "relationships of convenience", it should be noted that many people are in relationships simply for the purpose of convenience.
Nobody wants to be alone, that is a fact of human existence. Everyone wants friendship, companionship, and most people want sex, but not everyone wants partnership.
Partnership implies equal effort. It implies a willingness to work at something. When two people open a business together, they are considered partners. The understanding is that they will make equal contributions to the business. Maybe one person invests the money and the other invests the time, or maybe they both invest equal parts money and time. Either way, there is a balance of effort and resources.
A conscious relationship is a Life-Partnership. It is the coming together of two people to create a life together in the same way that two people might build a business together. There is an understanding that effort will be required from both sides, that it will come with good times and bad, that things will change and that you'll have to adapt together.
Relationships of convenience may be fun and even exciting at times, but they lack the depth of commitment that makes a Life-Partnership. If you consistently invest in relationships of convenience, people will always leave and you'll end up alone.
A Life-Partnership is not about the quantity of time, it's about the quality of life together. People have stayed for 20 years in a marriage of convenience and left when things got challenging. Some couples in a few years have done more real work together than others have in a decade.
Something that Fatima has often shared is that she knew very early on that we have what it takes to create a Life-Parternship because of the way we work through things together. It's not the "good" times that prove our Love to each other over and over again, it is how we overcome challenges every step along the way.
You'll often think that someone is "The One" because of the good times that you have together. But if they don't have the courage to stand by you through the bad times, they couldn't possibly be The One.
It doesn't take long to discover how someone handles challenges, you can see this very early on:
When there is something to work through together, do they move into it or away from it?
Do they confront it or avoid it?
Do they listen to you and understand where you're coming from or do they disregard you and even make you wrong for it?
These kinds of things are not just mistakes, they are character traits. They represent the character of a person and they are not things that change easily.
We hope this post has given you some insight into how to know the potential of a relationship early on, before you get too invested in it.
These are some general rules but obviously there are variations in every situation. If you're unsure about the right move, working with us could be very helpful--a small commitment now could save you years down the road. If you're interested in working with us, click here.
Also if you're not a part of our Conscious Relationship Community yet, you are missing out on the opportunity for connections with others who share your challenges, dreams, and goals. Plus you can connect more closely with us and be the first to receive our exclusive content and offers.
Click here to join in on the Community for free. We hope to see you there :)
Thanks for reading. Lots of Love <3
Thank you so much for enjoying our content! Our greatest joy comes from knowing that people like you are using it to transform their lives and relationships and that the world is becoming a better place because of it.
We know the feeling of being alone, of struggling through what seems like an endless series of dead-end relationships, of waiting for the phone to ring, of being rejected and let down again.
We know what it's like to go to bed alone each night wondering if that will ever change and fearing that it might not.
We know these experiences all too well and that is why we do the work we do. We want you to know that you can find Love, that just the application of these simple tools and practices can make a complete difference in every aspect of your Love life and ultimately lead you to the lifetime partnership you so deeply crave.
You're not in this alone. We're here for you <3
Please keep enjoying our content and if you'd like to know about working with us on a more personal level, click here.