It's an interesting time to be alive! Life as we know it is changing very rapidly.
Perhaps you are experiencing fear, uncertainty, and overwhelm or perhaps you have a more positive outlook on the changes that are happening, thinking they will lead to a positive result. Certainly, there are people thinking and feeling everything from one end of the spectrum to the other.
Whatever you are going through personally, one thing is for sure--things are changing. Things in our lives that we took for granted and thought would always be there (like going out for a cup of coffee) are suddenly gone, and if you’re anything like us you have had to make a lot of changes in a short period of time. You've changed plans, re-organized routines, canceled travel, made financial decisions, and so on.
Change is unsettling to us because we become very identified with the things we do--going to work, going out with our friends, going to the gym. These are things that often give us a sense of worthiness and value. When they're gone, we can sometimes feel less about ourselves because of it.
If you're single right now, you may be feeling very alone and defeated about ever meeting someone. Especially if you've been actively dating and felt like you were getting somewhere, this could feel like a massive interruption and can kill your confidence.
Not being able to see your friends or engage in hobbies the way that you're used to, especially when you live alone can begin to feel very lonely.
This time will be challenging, there's no way around that, but it's also a time of great possibility. If you're looking at it like this is "time-off", we think you're missing something very important.
If you do nothing with this time, you will have a very hard time getting moving when this thing passes but if you use it wisely, you will cultivate so much opportunity and momentum that when we get moving again, you will accelerate yourself in ways that you might not even imagine now.
In fact, in our opinion, dating just got easier.
There are some things to start with now that 6 months from now you will be so grateful you did. We have a few ideas on exactly what you can be doing to make the most of it and we're going to be sharing them with you.
So here are 3 ways that you can use this time to better yourself and your dating life to come out of this, smarter, stronger and sexier than ever before!
#1 If all you're doing is watching Netflix, it’s time to wake up!
How many times have you said to yourself, "I wish I had time to focus on the things that are really important to me."
Most people have wished for that just a few times. In our view, there is nothing better to be doing right now. You have all human knowledge at your fingertips. You can literally learn anything you want to. You can take an online course on any topic. If you've ever wanted to build a business that generates passive income, this is the time to do it.
People who went through situations like this 100 years ago did not have the resources that we do now. We are so blessed and fortunate to have access to what we have right now and 90% of the resources that are out there are absolutely free! Social media is being bombarded with at-home workout options, and if you want to, you could be in the best shape of your life when this is over.
We have said before that quality people seek 3 things: education, motivation, and inspiration. And quality people are seeking that NOW more than ever. The best way to date is to become the best version of yourself and if you are not working on being your best self now, when will you ever do it?
Grow mentally, spiritually, physically, emotionally--come out of this better than you went in, in every way. The sexiest thing a person can do is to become the best version of themselves and you may not have another opportunity to focus on that in this way for a very long time.
So what are you excited about? What are you passionate about? And how can you start exploring that deeper right now? Nothing boosts a person's confidence and self-worth like personal growth. If you're not growing, you're stagnant.
#2 Let's talk about what's really going on…
Another thing to be focused on during this time is what we call contextual work.
Do some introspection.
Contextual work is work around your thoughts, beliefs, feelings, and fears. When it comes to relationships, we all have work to do in this area.
The number one reason that people don't focus on this kind of work, aside from being ignorant of it, is that they just don't have the time. But if there is something in your life that you want, and you don't currently have (like a relationship) this would be a great time to explore your contextual stuff around it.
This is something we do in-depth with our clients. In our experience, this work is essential to having a successful relationship. No matter how many people you date, until you resolve the underlying thoughts and fears around men/women relationships etc., you will be unlikely to truly succeed in them.
A simple way to do this is to journal. Journal about your past relationships and notice if you see any patterns. Any grudges and resentments that you have against people from the past, write them a letter and get it all out. Then go back and re-read what you have written. What does it reveal to you about what you believe?
You'll likely see things like:
"People always leave."
"Relationships don't work for me."
"Love doesn't last."
"When I open up, people hurt me."
"Relationships aren't safe."
We're just stating some common ones, but you can create your own list. Look to your own experiences. What beliefs have been playing out in your life? Do some honest introspection.
Ask yourself: What does my relationship history reveal to me about my context around relationships? What am I afraid of in relationships? Do I really think I'm worthy of True Love or do I honestly think I deserve something else?
It will take some courage to answer these questions honestly, but when you take an honest look at your relationship history, it will clearly reveal your context to you. Doing this work will be much more useful to you than catching up on a season of (insert your show here).
#3 We're pen pals now Brad, write me a poem!
In our singles program, we have a pretty intensive dating strategy that we use to work with our clients. Needless to say, they are consistently engaged in meeting quality people and practicing relationships with them. When the coronavirus started coming around, some of our clients mentioned to us that they thought it would slow things down. We challenged that.
This is the optimum time to get to know someone new. Dating is always most successful in a low-pressure environment and what could be less pressure than no expectation to actually meet. You can use this time to really get to know someone without the distraction of having to meet them in person and without sex getting involved (which we think is a huge distraction in itself, but that's another topic).
If you really want an authentic relationship, THIS IS THE TIME TO MAKE THAT HAPPEN!
Some people won't want to just talk, and they will save you time because clearly they are not interested in connection. What you will likely find though is that there are a lot of people, like you, who are single right now and honestly just want some company. They want someone to talk to, someone they can get to know, someone they can look forward to connecting with that gives them excitement about the future.
One thing that social distancing is doing is helping us to realize how much we really do need other people. A lot of people are re-thinking their priorities right now. We need connection, all of us, and there are people right now who want to connect and have the time to do so. Be that person who connects with them, and come out of this thing with more potential in your dating life than you've had in years.
As we stated earlier, what you do during this time will determine how things go for you when life goes back to normal. This is not a break, it's not "free-time" to waste. This is time to lay the groundwork for every aspect of your life that comes after this. That is what extraordinary people are doing right now and if you want an extraordinary relationship, you'll want to be doing the same.
Simply put this is the process:
Find ways to grow and expand yourself mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Use this time to access a greater potential because honestly, that's what people will find most attractive anyway and that's what will make you feel great about yourself.
Do the contextual work. Remember--thoughts, beliefs, feelings, and fears. What is going on for you under the surface in your relationships? Discover that and it will pay off, we promise. If you want some support on that process you can apply for a call with us here.
And last but not least, meet new people and practice relationships with them. Make friends and maybe something more. There are so many ways to meet people online (not just Tinder). Be creative and find ways to make new connections. By the time this is over you'll have more quality dating potential than you've ever had before.
This time is a gift. Do the work now to reap the benefits later.
Thanks for reading <3
A Conscious approach to dating and relationships…
Like you, something about the idea of sharing our life with that someone special was particularly exciting to us, and after many years of working with individuals and couples alike, it's clear that we're not the only ones who have felt that way.
We've been through enough relationship challenges (our own and others') to know exactly how scary relationships can be, how difficult dating can be, and how let-down you can be when once again, you get excited about someone and it ends up going nowhere.
Yes, we've had these experiences and more--heartbreak, failure, disappointment, despair. We know how painful it can be to watch everyone around you fall in Love and wonder if it's ever going to happen for you. Or, how scary it can be to see someone you Love drift away from you and feel like there is nothing you can do to stop it.
The truth for us was that we had a lot of work to do to be able to have the kind of Love we have today. We did that work, learned exactly what it was all about, and now we help people like YOU do the work to create the Love that you're looking for.
We create conscious, loving, and committed lifelong partnerships so you can experience the Love and Fulfillment that you've always dreamed of. We address the thoughts, beliefs, feelings, fears, strategies, and skills necessary to have the satisfaction and fulfillment you truly desire in a relationship.
The most fulfilling path is never the easiest, so if you're ready to really work and create the Love you truly desire, click here to begin.