There is nothing worse than when awesome people who are committed to having true Love end up getting burnt out by underwhelming dates.
When you're doing all the right things--putting yourself out there, meeting new people, being outgoing, taking risks--and still nothing seems to really go anywhere, it can leave you feeling hopeless, like there are no good people out there.
If your experience is anything like ours was, then you range from going on dates where the evening won't end fast enough to really liking someone only to realize that they are far from relationship material. Sometimes this process is relatively painless while at other times it can be utterly heartbreaking.
We know what it feels like to chase a hopeless situation, to be heartbroken by it, only to then try again with someone that you're not the least bit attracted to. After you've done this a few times, you start to think, "Is this ever going to work out for me?" "Am I just meant to be alone?" "Will I ever fall in Love? Have a family?"
Still, you know in your heart that the right person has to be out there. You know what you really bring to a relationship, and you know that there is a man or woman out there somewhere that would be grateful to share their life with someone like you. If only you could find them, you would have the most extraordinary Love together.
That person is out there. We've demonstrated that with our clients time and time again. Unfortunately, so many people remain in cycles that actually prevent them from meeting the right people.
Dating is not about quantity. Of course there needs to be some quantity, but no amount of meeting and dating the wrong people will ever equal the right one.
Learning how to meet the right people is an essential part of our coaching. Once you master this ability you will spend a lot less time and energy on dating and the dates you do go on will be fun and enjoyable. You'll have some great times and make some new friends, and if you're consistent with it, you will surely meet the right one.
In this post, we're giving you our strategies for meeting quality people. By following these instructions, you will transform your dating experience into an exciting game of connecting with awesome people and ultimately find yourself in Love and in the kind of relationship you have always dreamed about.
If dating is a challenge for you, then read on. This is about to change everything.
How and where to meet the right person
Something that you have to remember is that the kind of person you want to meet is not out looking for a relationship. Seeking a relationship doesn't work. This doesn't mean they aren't actively participating in their Love lives when the opportunities arise--they certainly are. This simply means they aren't waiting around for a relationship to start living the life they want--they are doing it right now.
This is precisely why you are unlikely to meet someone you can have a thriving relationship with in a bar or a nightclub. We're not saying it can't happen, but the odds are against you. The same goes for dating apps. People who are hanging out in places like this and looking to meet someone usually fall into two categories:
1. People who want a relationship but have nothing better going on than to go out drinking or play around on an app.
2. They are just looking for an easy hookup, no commitment involved.
Either way, it doesn't really set you up for success.
Again we're not saying there are no good people in these environments--of course there are--but they are so outnumbered that by sheer probability you'll likely not find them.
Fatima and I both tried dating apps and we both had the same experience. While we may have met some interesting people, overall we were underwhelmed by 100% of the people we connected with in terms of the possibility of creating a relationship. They just were not on the same page as us, and we honestly didn't have the time to go on the number of dates it would take to finally meet a quality person. So we quit, as most quality people do.
Quality people are looking for 3 things:
Education, Motivation, and Inspiration.
They are either engaged in growing their mind (education), achieving their goals (motivation), or pursuing their passions (inspiration). In pursuing these endeavors they are naturally surrounded by other people who are doing the same and therefore, dating quality people comes naturally to them. They don't have to go very far out of their way to do so.
If you want to meet quality people you have to pursue at least one, if not all, of these 3 things yourself, and you have to do it in a social way.
But don't do it just to meet someone-- that can come off as inauthentic and needy. Do it because it is fulfilling to you. Find something you honestly want to be educated about and take a class on it. If you like to work out, join a group where you're working out with other people. If spirituality interests you, find a group that practices your brand of spirituality and get involved. Take a trip with a travel group.
We could go on and on with possible examples, but the sentiment is to live your life and what interests you to the fullest. Do things that educate, motivate, and inspire you. That is what quality people do. When you do that you will naturally be surrounded by quality people.
How to know if someone is right
So much of our content covers this topic that we won't give too much detail here. If you're interested in learning more about this, check out some of our other blogs and videos or schedule a session with us.
In a nutshell, this comes down to 3 things:
Communication, Boundaries, and Commitments.
You have to communicate what you want and ask if they are on board with it. We say it's never to early to do this. If you want marriage and a family, tell them that the first time you meet. Let them know if they choose to walk down that road, that's where it's going. Ask how they feel about that.
Don't be afraid of them telling you that they don't want the same thing--that just saves you time! So often we get involved with someone without being upfront about what we're looking for only to have the relationship fall apart down the road. All you need to know is if they are open to or interested in having what you want, not for you, but for themselves.
If they are an absolute "No", pursuing a relationship with them is a waste of your time and energy.
Set your boundaries, stick to them, and see if they respect them. Someone who is not willing to respect your boundaries is revealing a lack of emotional maturity that doesn't work in a real relationship.
If you say, "I can't stay up late on a weeknight" and they are constantly trying to keep you up to fool around or to get you to go out, they are showing you that they don't respect your life and your lifestyle. How could that really work long term?
If you tell them that you're not open to sleeping with them until at least the 4th or 5th date and on the 2nd date they're trying to get you to reconsider, they are showing you that they don't honor the commitments you've made to yourself.
Communicating and honoring your own boundaries is the only way you can see if they will do the same. Someone who understands this shows the promise of a healthy relationship. Someone who doesn't, does not.
Ask for commitment every step of the way. We recently put together a post that goes into detail on this (you can find it here). Simply put, you're not going to commit to marriage on the first date, but they can commit to calling you the next day. Ask for some kind of commitment and see if they follow through.
People who do what they say they will do demonstrate that your relationship (or the possibility of one) is important to them. People who don't are blatantly communicating that you are not important enough for them to keep their word to you. If they can't do something simple like call you when they say they will, how could they possibly honor the commitments that really matter?
Not everyone you meet will be quality, but using these 3 skills will without a doubt help you discover who is. You can't afford to not do this--it will save you an unbelievable amount of time and heartache.
If you WANT a 10, you have to BE a 10
Sometimes we refer to your dream relationship as a 10 relationship--it's a 10 on a scale of 1 to 10.
Quality people are only interested in other quality people. Sure every now and then we may get tricked into dating down, but we quickly discover it and move on.
This is the greatest aspect of having the kind of Love you truly desire. Once you master it, everything else tends to fall into place.
We've often used the illustration of a 5 getting all dressed up to look like a 10 and going out to the club to get a 10. The two connect and go home together only to find, once they get all their clothes off, that they are in fact two 5's--and they're both displeased about it.
Although if your experience is anything like ours, it's usually not that night that you discover it--it's more like 3 months down the road.
Being a 10 is characterized as follows:
You are confident because you understand your worth. You know you're a catch, so you don't cling to less than fulfilling relationships. You understand that someone of quality will want to be with you, so you don't need to settle.
You follow the guidelines of communication, boundaries, and commitments as discussed earlier because you understand that the people you might lose through that process are people you don't want to be with anyway. You also understand how attractive that is to a person of quality.
You are not out looking for a relationship. Rather you are out pursuing education, motivation, and/or inspiration because you are committed to having a fulfilling life with or without a partner. But (and this is important) you are not using this a substitute for a relationship. You are clear about what you want in a partner, are open to that, and therefore you are willing to risk and engage when a likely opportunity presents itself.
You are open to Love, not defensive or guarded. You let people in because you have nothing to hide. You are kind and Loving to people and this makes you very attractive. You are secure in yourself so you don't feel the need to be overly protective. You are authentic because you're not looking for anyone's approval.
And, finally, you're successful. You don't have to be a millionaire, but you do have your life together. There is space for someone to come into your life and they're not walking into a mess.
Love, passion, friendship, connection--this is not what you get from a relationship, it is what you bring to a relationship. Successful relationships are not two people completing each other, they are two complete people sharing their completeness with each other.
If you're serious about having Love like this, click here to get started.
There are quality people out there. There are people--men and women--that sincerely want true Love and are willing to work for it. If you find that you are not meeting them then there is something that you are missing.
Put yourself in the places where the right people are, respect yourself enough to interact with them in a powerful way, and be your absolute best--live your best life--not like a slogan, but for real.
That's all there is to it. Thanks for reading <3
A Conscious Approach to dating and Relationships...
We are not gurus. We have nothing that everyone else doesn't have and no secret tricks that will magically solve your love life. All we've done is learn to navigate the wild waters of relationships in a way that led us to find and create the love we've always wanted.
And we're still working on it Every. Single. Day.
The way that we, as a culture, have learned to do relationships is not the way to find True Love. Most of us have a lot of relationship-bad-habits and it's time to unlearn them. When you do, you'll find that the love you are looking for is well within your reach.
We've found a new kind of relationship, a departure from the modern dating drama and toxicity that so many people have come to accept as normal. And our methods have helped hundreds of individuals and couples navigate these challenging waters themselves to find the love they're looking for.
And you could be next! To find out how you can work with us and create the relationship that most people only ever dream about, click here. If you found this post helpful, please share it with someone that you know will benefit from it!