We get it. We've been there. We know the feeling and it's not a great place to be.
Maybe it's shortly after a breakup, you feel crushed because this relationship didn't turn out the way that you had dreamed it would and now you can't get him off your mind. You're hoping and wishing that there might be some way you can try again.
Perhaps it's just a crush or a new connection.
Maybe it's someone that you want but they don't feel the same way.
Or maybe it's someone that you Love and they did something horrible that you can't forgive them for. You know you can't go back but you still can't stop thinking about them and wishing that you could.
Whatever the case, we know it's different things for different people, but the feeling is that you can't stop thinking about them, you can't get them off your mind, and it seems that you are thinking about them way more than they are thinking about you.
And that feels awful. It sucks.
Here's the deal: It doesn't really matter what the circumstances are. If you have someone on your mind and you want to get them off of it, we're going to give you three steps that will help you do that regardless of your situation. If you commit to these simple steps and take action towards them, you will get them off your mind, become excited about other things, and start looking forward to new possibilities.
By following the simple instructions in this post, you can free yourself from the frustration of wondering where they are, what they're doing, if they're thinking about you, and when they are going to call. In fact, when this person realizes that something else besides them has become more exciting to you, they might even become more interested in you.
The point is that being hung up on someone, ANYONE, is never a good place to be. Whether it's your ex, your crush, or a new love interest, the best thing you can do is to show them that you have an awesome life with lots of exciting things going on and that while you might entertain a relationship with them, you're certainly not desperate for it.
So if you're ready to get them off your mind and get on to living your fully expressed, confident, and passionate life, read on! We've got some great things to share with you.
Step 1: Make a list of other things that are exciting to you.
This may sound incredibly simple but don't underestimate the power of this exercise.
When you get hung up on someone, what starts to happen is that your world becomes incredibly small. They become the center of it and everything else loses its color and vitality.
The first thing you need to do is to remember how big the world actually is. Remember how bright and colorful it is. Remember how exciting it can be.
You need to remember that even if you never see this person again, there are so many exciting potentials and opportunities in the world and while you might experience some sadness, the world is not over. Your life is still going to be incredible.
You may feel trapped by your thoughts of this person but in truth, you're not. You are the one directing those thoughts and the only reason you feel trapped is that you've developed such a habit of sending your thoughts in their direction. What you need to do is start sending them a different way.
So make a list of anything and everything that could be exciting for you. Don't try to be logical or rational about this, just let it flow--anything and everything that comes to mind. The sky is truly the limit.
You could climb a mountain, go scuba diving, jump out of a plane, go dancing, call a friend, paint a picture, go shopping, play video games, get your nails done, adopt a turtle, plan a trip, go for a walk, go to the beach, go to the gym, focus on a career project, go out for a nice dinner, visit family, drive your car, ride a bike, visit a museum. The list could go on and on.
See if you can put 100 things on the list, and then see if you can get to 200. Now, we're not suggesting that you go do all of these things. We're trying to help you to remind yourself of how big the world is and how many amazing things there are in it. We're trying to help you break the habit of turning your thoughts towards him and to create a new habit of directing them elsewhere.
In reality, no matter how great he might be, he is relatively insignificant in the grand scheme of things. He may have some great qualities and even be a real catch but 200 years from now, nobody will know who he was. We're not saying there's anything wrong with him, only that he's not worth suffering over.
If you really go for it with making this list and you allow yourself to feel the excitement of all the possible creations and adventures you could have without this person, he will start to look small in comparison to all of it. It doesn't mean there's no place for him in your life--if it's meant to be, then it will work out. All it means is that he's not your whole life. Regardless of him, you will be happy and fulfilled.
Step 2: Take action
Now that you have 100+ potential things that excite you, pick one and do it! It can be a smaller one to start, that's just fine. You may not be ready to jump out of a plane or climb Mount Everest, but you could go get your nails done or take yourself out to dinner.
Always remember this:
Your attention goes where your energy flows.
Energy = Action
If you're sitting around doing nothing, your thoughts are naturally going to go to him, not because there's anything about him that's so amazing, but because that's the habit you've developed. You have to make some effort towards breaking that habit.
So get up and do something. Pick one thing on the list and go do it. Then pick something else and do it. Then do it again, and then again. They can be big things or small things, the point is that they are things that fill and light you up, you enjoy them, they bring you joy. Rather than thinking about him which brings you down, you take your attention and energy and direct it towards something that adds to your life and makes you happy.
Tell yourself this: "If he calls, he calls. But in the meantime, I'm going to be so busy living my awesome life that if he doesn't call, I might not even notice."
You have to recognize that he isn't worth your happiness. Nobody is. He is only valuable to you to the degree that he adds to your happiness. If he's dragging you down, you need some distance.
This is the part where you really get to start Loving yourself more. Love yourself enough to do things that are good for you and that make you happy. Recognize that you deserve to be happy, that you deserve a life that you're happy with, even if that means he's not in it.
You may be afraid that if you stop thinking about him and stop giving him all of your attention, you'll lose him. That might be true, but consider this: If what it takes to keep him in your life is to be preoccupied with him to such a degree that it steals your peace of mind and your joy, is this a relationship that you really want?
Someone who cares about you will want you to be happy. If they truly care, your happiness will make them more attracted to you. If they're just looking for someone who will be obsessed with them, then you dodged a bullet. You have nothing to lose here. Love isn't pain, it's happiness.
Step 3: Meet New People
Probably the biggest reason that people can't find Love is that they are too hung up on the person they want rather than the relationship they want.
If you make this mistake, with all due respect, you're screwed.
You've probably heard it said that you shouldn't have expectations, and while that can be good advice, it's usually misunderstood. You shouldn't have expectations of people, but you should have an expectation of a relationship. You should expect that you will find a relationship that looks a certain way--Loving, considerate, kind, understanding, forgiving, and generous.
Rather than selecting some person and trying to push those expectations on them, be open to different people until you find someone who wants to live up to those expectations. They are out there, I promise.
If you're involved with someone that is occupying your thoughts in an unhealthy way then if you're being honest, you'll probably say that this person is not living up to your expectations of a relationship. If they were, they'd probably be giving you the time and attention you're looking for and you wouldn't be so stressed out about it.
The idea here is to start to help yourself recognize that he's not the only fish in the sea. Tell yourself: "Regardless of how things go with this person, I know that there is someone amazing out there just like me, who's looking for the same kinds of things that I am. So I don't have to cling to this person because one way or another, I'll find my way to the right one."
If you're not used to thinking in this way, it might feel like BS. We get it, but believe us when we say that it's not. If you can't start thinking this way though, you'll never experience it.
So go out and meet new people. We're not suggesting that you jump into a relationship with someone new, or jump into bed with them, just that you start to explore the possibility that maybe there is someone better suited for you. Start to prove to yourself that the guy who's on your mind is only one of many possible options.
Where do you meet them? Dating apps make it very easy to meet people. Again, you don't have to fall in Love with them, but there's nothing wrong with texting, talking, and grabbing a cup of coffee with different people, hearing their stories and sharing your own. You never know when a connection might happen and regardless, you're getting your thoughts off of the other guy and that's what's most important.
Also, if you're following the suggestion in Step 2, you will likely meet new people organically as you do things that you enjoy, as long as you do them in a social way. There is usually a social way to do almost any activity if you're willing to be creative about it.
Please remember to take it easy on yourself. The struggle of being preoccupied with someone is incredibly common and incredibly difficult to overcome. These steps will help if you follow them, but this is not a perfect process so don't expect it to be.
Your thoughts will waiver, at times you'll feel stronger than others. You may have to force yourself at first to sit down and make the list, to go out and do something. Don't expect that as soon as you make the list it will all go away, although each step should bring you some relief.
Usually with suggestions like this, you'll be really strong out of the gate and then lose steam. You'll make the list and do one or two things but then your thoughts revert back to him and before you know it, you've forgotten about the plan altogether and you're right back where you started.
We're telling you this ahead of time to inspire you to stick with it. If you do, it will get easier and come more naturally. Before you know it, you'll be more excited about these other things than you are about him.
The truth is that sitting around and pining over someone is never attractive. When you do, only two things can happen: You either drive away the person that you're thinking about or set yourself up to be manipulated by them.
If you want a man's attention, the best thing you can do is let him see that you're an awesome person with a fulfilled and joyful life. Let him know that if he's willing to work for it, you'd be open to seeing where something could go between the two of you, and make it very clear that you're not waiting around for him. If he's worth a second thought, he'll step up.
This preoccupation is one of a few common toxic dynamics we see again and again in the dating world. We're hosting a special event where we are taking a deeper look at these cycles and what you need to do to free yourself from them. Until you do, dating is all about these same repetitive games and it never leads anywhere.
Registration is free but space is limited, so click here to sign up now.
Hope you enjoyed the read, lots of Love <3
Thank you so much for enjoying our content! Our greatest joy comes from knowing that people like you are using it to transform their lives and relationships and that the world is becoming a better place because of it.
We know the feeling of being alone, of struggling through what seems like an endless series of dead-end relationships, of waiting for the phone to ring, of being rejected and let down again.
We know what it's like to go to bed alone each night wondering if that will ever change and fearing that it might not.
We know these experiences all too well and that is why we do the work we do. We want you to know that you can find Love, that just the application of these simple tools and practices can make a complete difference in every aspect of your Love life and ultimately lead you to the lifetime partnership you so deeply crave.
You're not in this alone. We're here for you <3
Please keep enjoying our content and if you'd like to learn about joining one of our coaching programs, click here.