If you know us, then you know that our absolute passion is helping people find Love.
Nothing gets us more excited and no conversation is more interesting to us than what is going to help you end your cycles of being alone to finally create your Epic Love Story.
This is also the reason that nothing is more frustrating to us than hearing the lies that people tell themselves--all the reasons you say you can't have the Love you deeply desire.
If you've had the opportunity to work with us then you know that we're very quick to call BS when we hear lies about why it can't happen, shouldn't happen, or it's not the right time.
The journey to find Love is a transformational process. Perpetual loneliness and endless dating are the results of a way of life that a person has adopted. It's a habit and a LIFESTYLE, something that must be transformed if you want to find Love.
Most people who don't find Love within their first 40 years of life (and those who found it and lost it) become so accustomed to a way of life that promotes their being alone that finding Love begins to feel impossible, overwhelming, frustrating, and a waste of time.
This is when you begin to say things like, "Maybe it's just not the right time," or "It will happen when I'm ready," or "I have too much going on to think about that right now."
You say this because you don't want to let on how much Love really matters to you and how badly you really want it. You think that telling these stories to yourself and others will somehow make it ok that you haven't found what you're looking for.
But every day that you tell yourself these stories, you doubt more and more that it will ever happen. You become more comfortable in your lonely lifestyle and the idea of actually finding Love starts to feel impossible.
Every day that goes by like this you feel less worthy, less attractive, and further solidify your belief in the reasons why it can't happen.
But all of these reasons are lies.
In this post, we're calling out the lies that you're telling yourself and exposing them for what they are! This is the most important thing you can ever do for yourself if you actually want to find Love in your lifetime.
#1 "Maybe now just isn't the right time."
Now is the only time you have!
If it's not happening now, you've missed your chance.
If you imagine that at some perfect time in the future you'll suddenly be inspired to date, be surrounded by great people, and be more attractive than ever, to put it bluntly-- you are not living in reality. In fact, the longer you procrastinate, the less you will experience these things.
You might say, "I want it to happen now but I can't just go out and meet the right person because I want to." We understand that, but here's what you can do:
You can be completely intentional that you will meet the right person, so connected to this idea that you feel it in your bones, and be taking some kind of action towards meeting that person every single day.
If this is not how you feel when you consider the idea of finding Love, you are lightyears away from it actually happening. Thinking that you can go day after day without placing any thought, intention, or action towards finding Love and that at some point it will just "work out" is entirely unrealistic.
It works out because you want it to, because it's so important to you that you are willing to make real effort towards it, and because you Love yourself enough to not deprive yourself of it for the sake of your own comfort.
We aren't saying that this moment is the moment to meet "the one", although it's as possible as any other. We're saying that NOW is the time to be connected to the idea of what you want. NOW is the time to believe that it will happen and is happening for you. And NOW is the only time you can ever DO anything about it.
If it's not happening now, your life will pass you by and you will quickly realize that you have run out of time.
#2 "I have too much going on. I just can't focus on it."
If you're like most of our clients, then you are highly successful in almost all areas of your life--all except for Love--and therefore, this is probably a story you tell yourself.
This is what the "productive" people do: you preoccupy yourself with so many "important" things that you don't have time to even seriously think about Love or dating.
You may date casually but it rarely goes anywhere and more than anything else, the dating you do just reinforces the idea that it really is a waste of time.
We understand this justification because you truly are focused on important things. Maybe it's your career, maybe family, maybe you're raising children. Of course, these things are important and of course, they take precedence over Love right?
These things are important but when did you decide that they were more important than you finding Love and companionship? And why did you decide that?
This is a clever mental trick that is actually an avoidance strategy. Something about Love has become so impossible-seeming for you, so overwhelming or unattainable, that you've decided it's not worthwhile.
You want it enough to not write it off altogether, but not enough to focus on it now. You're not the kind of person who likes to give up on things or admit that you are actually at a loss around it, so instead, you tell yourself that something else is more important and you'll get to it when the time is right.
Once again, you're not doing it NOW. And we've already discussed the problem with that.
As we stated earlier, finding Love is a transformational process. It is literally a reinvention of your beliefs, assumptions, patterns, and lifestyle. Love is only impossible to find when you're unwilling to undergo that transformation.
Perhaps your lack of understanding of what that transformation entails is what makes you want to avoid it. Perhaps it's the fear of experiencing rejection or heartbreak again. Whatever the cause may be, any reason you tell yourself why you can't have Love is simply a defense tactic--it's you trying to protect yourself from pain at the expense of your heart's desires.
And that can only ever lead to unfulfillment.
#3 "I'm open, but nothing has shown up."
If you're telling yourself that you're open to a relationship and nothing is showing up for you, you are not really being open.
Openness is more than just saying that you're open. Openness is a way that you carry yourself, it's the positions and circumstances that you put yourself in, and it's the way that you interact with others.
If you are really open to a relationship, that means that you carry yourself in a way that invites people in. There is an energetic feeling to it. People get the sense that it's safe to speak to you and they do. You make eye contact with people, you smile at them. Generally speaking, there is a freedom in the way that you present yourself to others, they get it, and they take action on it.
This comes more naturally to some people than others. If this is not natural for you, it's something to work on--going back to what we said about a transformation. If finding Love is important to you, you'll learn what you need to learn to be able to create connection with people.
Being open means that you put yourself in positions and environments where you can actually meet people. Many people say that they're open but all they do is hang out at home, in the same places they always go, and with the same group of people that they know.
Rarely will you meet someone within the same circle of people and places that you frequent, and even if it is possible, it definitely won't happen without carrying yourself in the way we spoke about above.
Dating isn't about suddenly meeting the right person and falling in Love. Dating is about meeting lots of new people consistently. It's about learning how to put yourself in environments to meet quality people. It's about knowing how to interact with people in an attractive and sexy but authentic way.
Someone who is truly open is actively doing all of these things, not necessarily perfectly, but doing they're best and it's working.
We're not trying to talk you out of your reasons for not having Love; you have every right to them. We are simply illustrating that you can't hang on to them and find Love at the same time. You have to make a choice. Do you want Love? Or do you want the reasons why you can't have it? You only get to choose one.
Love doesn't fall into your lap--You create it. It is cultivated through your intention, your commitment, and your effort. Every day your life is passing you by and no matter how great your excuses might be for not having it, if you are not working on it now, you will not have it in the future.
It may show up tomorrow, it may show up a year from now. That is not what you need to be concerned with. You should be asking yourself, "What did I do today to create the Love I desire?" If you can answer to your satisfaction, then you're on track.
We all try to give ourselves excuses and backdoors to not have what we want, and we can be very convincing. That is precisely why we need coaches. Fatima and I have had coaches for years, we wouldn't be married without them. We need people who help us to foster our commitment to the things that we try to avoid.
If Love is something you tend to avoid then having a coach is something you'll want to consider. If you enjoy our work and would like to explore how working with us on a deeper level can help solidify and empower your commitment to finding Love, click here.
Thank you so much for being part of our community and thanks for reading.
Lots of Love <3
Thank you so much for enjoying our content! Our greatest joy comes from knowing that people like you are using it to transform their lives and relationships and that the world is becoming a better place because of it.
We know the feeling of being alone, of struggling through what seems like an endless series of dead-end relationships, of waiting for the phone to ring, of being rejected and let down again.
We know what it's like to go to bed alone each night wondering if that will ever change and fearing that it might not.
We know these experiences all too well and that is why we do the work we do. We want you to know that you can find Love, that just the application of these simple tools and practices can make a complete difference in every aspect of your Love life and ultimately lead you to the lifetime partnership you so deeply crave.
You're not in this alone. We're here for you <3
Please keep enjoying our content and if you'd like to learn about joining one of our coaching programs, click here.