We've been there... We know how it happens.
You meet someone who makes you feel like you've never felt before. They seem to be everything you imagine someone could be. The connection is electric. They are fun, spontaneous, hilarious.
Maybe you've been alone for a while or maybe you've just been entertaining some underwhelming prospects. Whatever the case, what this person brings to the table feels magical. The world seems full of color. You may think to yourself, "I've finally found it! This is what I've been looking for."
You know you shouldn't get hooked too soon, but against your better judgment, you let yourself start to slip, you start to fall. Everything they do seems so right, but most important of all...
They say all the right things.
They say everything you've ever wanted to hear, all of the things you wished that your ex would've said to you. They know exactly what you want to hear and exactly how to say it.
Maybe it's even more than words, maybe it's grand romantic gestures.
Whatever it is that they are doing and saying, you are falling for it and you're falling hard. Everything is so magical and then all of a sudden--
Maybe they ghost you, maybe overnight they become someone you don't even recognize, maybe they deny they ever said the things that made you feel so good. Somehow, all of a sudden, you begin to realize that the person you thought they were is not the person they really are.
And now it's too late because you're hooked. You've invested too much and you can't just walk away. So you stay and you try to make it work and you don't leave until the painful recognition that it was all just a fantasy becomes so detrimental to your wellbeing that you simply can't bear it anymore.
You walk away broken, jaded, and suspicious of the next person who shows you Love.
You have just been Love-Bombed.
We get it. Of course, when someone appears to be everything you've ever wanted you'll want to believe that they are. And we are believers in Love, believers that "that person" is out there looking for you and that you can find them.
As common as this vicious cycle is, it's not necessary. Love is out there waiting for you, and yes, to find it you have to know how to avoid situations like the one we described above but you don't have to be suspicious of people or of Love in general. You simply have to be suspicious about suspicious behavior.
If you allow yourself to be taken in by unrealistic fantasies, or if you do that to other people, you set yourself up for disappointment time and time again. But if you recognize Love-Bombing for what it is--unrealistic, unfounded, feelings-based, sometimes intentionally manipulative words and actions--you simply won't fall for it.
In this post, we're identifying the clear signs of a Love-Bomber so you'll quickly know the difference between someone who is caught up in the thrill of emotion and someone who could actually become the Love of your Life.
First, let's take a break from Hollywood and talk about real life.
You've been sold a lie. We all have.
It's a lie that's made billions, from the Disney Princess whose Prince Charming travels across the world and slays a dragon to win the affection of a woman he's never met, to the romantic comedy where two people lock eyes in a coffee shop and then call off their upcoming weddings because suddenly they know they've met "the one."
These stories sell but that doesn't make them true.
My wife and I love Love. That's why we've made it our life's work. We are believers, we know it's real, we know you can find it, but what you've seen on TV isn't Love. Frankly, it's bullsh*t.
Love doesn't happen in an instant, there's no such thing as Love at first sight, and people don't Love people they've never met. Love is cultivated over time through trust and intimacy. There is no shortcut.
The first thing you need to know if you want to avoid being Love-Bombed is that a true relationship has a natural progression. It begins in a casual way--conversation, questions, getting to know each other. The beginning is not intense, it's easy.
Someone who is looking for a sincere relationship is not going to try to be your everything from day one and they aren't going to want you to be theirs. They aren't going to make unrealistic promises that they can't possibly know if they will want to deliver on.
Don't fall for someone who tells you everything you want to hear, fall for someone who tells you the truth. If what someone is saying seems unbelievable, it's probably because it is.
You can enjoy the nice things that people say, but don't be taken in by them. When someone says something that doesn't make sense given where you are in the relationship, see it for what it is--a passing feeling. It's nice, but not enough to base a relationship on.
Only allow yourself to be taken in by someone who can back up those words over time. When someone tries to Love-Bomb you, appreciate their effort and let them know that that's not what you find most impressive.
Which brings us to our second point: Stop with the empty promises and say what you mean.
Love-Bombing often happens as a result of someone not knowing the difference between the feelings they're experiencing and the commitment they have in their heart.
For example, you might be committed to finding Love and at the same time feeling that you Love someone. Then you confuse those Loving feelings with actually finding Love. Here's the difference:
Feelings come and go with the wind but commitment doesn't change so easily.
So how do you know the difference between feelings and a commitment? Time. Feelings come and go but commitments remain consistent over time.
One of the most powerful ways to prevent Love-Bombing is to know that difference and to only say what you really mean (and ask other people to do the same).
Instead of saying: "I think I'm in Love with you,"
Say: "I'm having some very strong feelings for you. I don't know what that means but I'm excited to find out."
Instead of saying: "I want to spend my life with you,"
Say: "I really see the potential of having something real with you and I want to explore that."
Instead of saying: "I think you're the one,"
Say: "You have a lot of qualities I've been looking for in a partner and that's very attractive to me."
Not only is it important for you to be conscious of what you say, but it's also ok to correct someone else when they say something unreasonable to you.
If someone tells you, "I think I'm in Love with you,"
It's ok to kindly say to them, "It's a bit soon for that but I appreciate that you have strong feelings. I have them as well."
A mature person will agree and appreciate that you didn't shame them for it. They'll also respect that you weren't swept away by it. That shows that you're not desperate for Love and you're not impressed by empty words.
We often suggest that you don't pay too much attention to what someone says, and instead, see if their actions match those words. By "actions," we don't mean grand romantic gestures. They're nice and great when they happen, but they are simply extensions of flattering words.
Look for someone who is there for you when you need them. Someone who will listen to you when you have a challenge to confront in the relationship. Someone who is willing to make adjustments in their life to accommodate you. Someone who will go out of their way on account of your happiness.
These are the things that create trust, intimacy, and True Love.
So let's just slow things down a bit...
A lot of people think that Love-Bombers are narcissists and master manipulators (some of them are) but we think more often than not, they are simply people that have been taken over by their feelings and have lost touch with reality.
Love doesn't happen at first sight but infatuation does. You may have heard us speak about the 3 phases of a new relationship. The first one, projection, is where the Love-Bombing happens.
The projection phase is the period of time when everything feels magical, they can do no wrong, and you tend to think that you're falling in Love. We always say, enjoy this phase but don't be swept away by it.
You have to be aware that as amazing as the beginning of your relationship is, you don't really build a foundation for your Love together until you begin to confront some challenge and that only happens once the good feelings start to wear off. Anyone can enjoy the easy times but what makes a relationship strong is going through the tough times together. These are the times that a Love-Bomber cannot survive.
When someone is Love-Bombing you, in the back of your mind you have to know that they haven't really proven themselves yet. They might be sincere in the moment they say something, but that doesn't mean they have the commitment necessary to follow through with it.
Don't hesitate to tell someone who is coming on strong that you need them to slow down a bit. If that person is sincere, they won't be offended by it. If they do get offended, it's because they were trying to manipulate you and you didn't allow it.
It's not wrong for people to be caught up in their feelings--it's normal and human--and it's not bad to enjoy the amazing rush that comes early on in a new relationship. It only becomes harmful when you mistake that for a solid foundation, for True Love.
When you have the awareness that you are looking for more than sweet words and romantic gestures, that you are looking for someone who is willing to do the work that a relationship calls for, you free yourself up to enjoy the unfolding without allowing yourself to be blindsided by it.
Love-Bombing is not always manipulation. Sometimes it's simply a sincere person who gets a little carried away with their feelings. Sometimes it's a Love-addict who is thriving on the rush of "falling in Love". And sometimes it's someone who is attempting to manipulate you.
The good news is that you don't have to worry about discovering which one it is. A manipulative person will naturally remove themselves from the life of someone who is unwilling to be manipulated. A Love addict will self-destruct when someone is unwilling to give them the rush they're looking for.
A sincere person will understand your boundaries and be willing to accommodate them. When you ask them to slow down, they will.
Creating a conscious relationship is really about knowing your boundaries and remaining conscious every step of the way. You don't get caught up in or respond to flattery and while you appreciate kind words, you are only really concerned with commitment.
You realize that you're not looking for someone to tell you things you've always wanted to hear but for someone who will be the partner you've always wanted to find. You know that Love doesn't happen overnight and you're willing to wait it out for something meaningful and beautiful.
In our Epic Love Program, we teach you how to consciously design a new relationship from Day One. We focus on the relationship skills that allow you to enjoy the process in a safe and authentic way while avoiding all the mistakes that derail you from finding the Love you truly want. Space is limited, so if you're committed to ending the unfulfilling cycles of the dating drama click here to schedule your interview for the program.
Be clear about who you are, what you stand for, and what you want in a partner. You totally deserve it. Don't settle for anything less.
Thanks for reading <3
Thank you so much for enjoying our content! Our greatest joy comes from knowing that people like you are using it to transform their lives and relationships and that the world is becoming a better place because of it.
We know the feeling of being alone, of struggling through what seems like an endless series of dead-end relationships, of waiting for the phone to ring, of being rejected and let down again.
We know what it's like to go to bed alone each night wondering if that will ever change and fearing that it might not.
We know these experiences all too well and that is why we do the work we do. We want you to know that you can find Love, that just the application of these simple tools and practices can make a complete difference in every aspect of your Love life and ultimately lead you to the lifetime partnership you so deeply crave.
You're not in this alone. We're here for you <3
Please keep enjoying our content and if you'd like to learn about joining one of our coaching programs, click here.