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The Mistake That Will Always Destroy a Relationship


All successful relationships have one thing in common that those who are suffering in a relationship or struggling to find love are usually missing completely.


This one mistake is the biggest thing that we see preventing people from finding True Love and even when you do meet someone, this one thing usually causes you to sabotage the relationship.


It is completely normal to make this mistake as, for most people, it is the most natural thing to do. But even though it is extremely common and natural, it will push people away from you every time. Unless you identify how you're doing this, you will never really understand why it keeps happening.


In this post, we're going to identify what this mistake is, how most people are making it, and how you can stop making it for good.


To put it in a single word, the mistake is scarcity:


"There aren't any good people out there."


"All of the good ones are taken."

"Even when I meet someone I get my heart broken. So what's the use?"


Time and time again we hear it from our single clients and see it all over the posts on social media--the idea that the "right one" is not out there or that finding them is too hard. There is really nothing more devastating to your hope of meeting the right person than this scarcity mentality. What's worse is that it simply isn't true.


It is an absolutely false idea that there are no good people out there, or that all the good ones are taken. If you are experiencing difficulty in meeting them, that doesn't mean that they don't exist. It means you need new dating strategies.


Usually, within weeks of working with us, our clients are meeting lots of great new people.


You have to come to understand that there are a ton of people out there, not just one "right person" that you have to find. There are thousands of people that you could have an amazing relationship with. All you have to do is learn how to get to know them and how to be with them. (For more info on this you can check out our video on how to date)


You only find True Love when you become skilled at dating and skilled at being in a relationship.


A scarcity mindset creates a huge obstacle to dating and will eventually destroy relationships. If you date with a scarcity mindset, when you meet someone, you will bring scarcity into that relationship.


When your mode of thinking is that there are no good people and then you happen to meet "a good one," you start to behave as though they are the only good person in the world--like this one has to work, or else. This leads to an enormous amount of insecurity, fear, doubt, clingy-ness and so on.


You start to say things to yourself like: "If this doesn't work out it could be years before I meet someone else," or "I've wasted so many years already, I don't have any more time."


You can never be in a successful relationship feeling as though it has to work out. That is too much pressure to put on a relationship and it cannot grow in that environment. You have to give the other person the freedom to choose to be there. They are there because they want to be, and if they want to leave that is also OK.


Whether they recognize it or not, all successful couples have created this sense of freedom for each other--and of their free choice, they have chosen the relationship.


When you don't create this freedom you experience jealousy and competition. You start trying to do or say the right thing all the time and you can't be yourself. You wonder about where they are, what they're doing, and who they're with. You start wanting to control them and put limitations on what they can and can't do. You become fearful of big changes in their life, like a new opportunity or a promotion at work, and that these changes might take them away from you.


In this dynamic you actually try to keep things small and restrictive. You want to keep everything where it is--safe, comfortable, predictable. There are many couples who carry on for years in this way, and though they struggle through it to make it work, they never truly feel fulfilled. Restrictiveness is actually the opposite of fulfillment.


People are only truly in Love when they feel free to fly and their relationship helps them to fly higher, rather than pulling them down.


Even if you are careful to never let your partner see it, if this is your honest internal experience, you have to find a way to be open or over time it will wear away at your own confidence and freedom in the relationship. It will surface in sneaky ways that hurt you both. You can't fake it; you have to truly allow them to be free and feel the same freedom from them for yourself.