Powerful women face a unique challenge in dating. We live in a male-dominated society where masculine qualities such as strength, rationality, self-reliance, persistence, and discipline are often highly valued, equated with power, and generally seen as qualities that get ahead and generate success.
Feminine qualities such as gentleness, compassion, nurturing, kindness, and forgiveness are obviously equally powerful and important but unfortunately, in many instances, our society often views these qualities as second-rate and sometimes even as weaknesses or obstacles to achieving what we want.
As a powerful woman in a masculine-driven society, you've probably found yourself adapting to and taking on some, if not all, of these masculine attributes in certain settings and you may have adapted very well and become incredibly powerful in many respects. But it stands to note that nearly all of the women we speak to regarding their experience with this report that in doing so, they feel like they've lost something and they don't feel that they're fully able to be themselves.
Oftentimes, as it translates into dating, women we've worked with say they end up feeling unsafe and have to constantly protect themselves. And when they recognize that they're more powerful than many of the men they meet, dating can become incredibly frustrating.
As a powerful woman, you want to be respected and appreciated by a man. You want to be able to let loose and be yourself. You want to be able to relax and trust but so many years of guarding yourself and all the work you've done to get where you are make you believe that you can't let your guard down.
So as a powerful woman you may often end up feeling lonely, or like you can't relate, and nobody really understands or sees you for who you truly are. We understand this challenge and we've discovered a few things over the years that have made an incredible difference for so many women.
In this post, we're going to discuss some of the most common challenges that powerful women face in dating and share a few profound insights that will likely change your perceptions and approach to dating.
Challenge #1: You Intimidate Men
One of the most common challenges we hear that powerful women face is feeling like they intimidate men.
A woman who knows who she is, what she wants, and the direction she's going is sure to scare off a lot of men. Many men are not that clear themselves and a woman who challenges a man to get clear when he's not ready to be clear is terrifying to that man.
Unfortunately, this might make you think that something is wrong with you. You might think "I'm too intimidating" or "That was too much pressure" or "I should be more easygoing."
Let us be very clear: There is nothing wrong with you. And being more easygoing or trying to be accommodating to what someone else wants you to be so that they don't feel uncomfortable is the last thing you should do.
Standing up for yourself is usually not the popular choice, especially when someone would rather you just be who they want you to be, but it's the only way you ever get what you want in the long run.
To have a relationship with a man who honors, appreciates, and respects you for who are, you have to be unwaveringly authentic to who you are. Don't allow someone that thinks you're "too much" to prevent you from being true to yourself.
Being powerful means that you will intimidate people, both men and women. Most people are not willing to own their own power. Be ok with that. Own your power, who you truly are, and what you'll find is that those who are not interested in recognizing, accepting, or respecting that will naturally fall away and those that are interested will gravitate towards you.
The right person will not be intimidated, they will respect you. In fact, they'll want to get to know you on a deeper level. But you have to be willing to hold true to yourself.
Challenge #2: You End Up With Weak Men
After you've been through a few relationships with men who weren't willing or able to step up to the plate, the pendulum will often swing to the other end of the spectrum and you might end up with a "nice guy".
He's not a jerk like some of the others and at first, you might think that this is what you were always looking for or should have been looking for. He's good to you, does nice things, says nice things, he's compliant to make you happy--he's "nice." But the thing about a "nice guy" is that eventually, it can be difficult to respect him. When you get the feeling that someone is diminishing themselves constantly for your Love and affection, it's hard to be attracted to that person.
Some men might feel threatened by your power and act in certain unpleasant ways because of it, but the nice guy is different. He makes up for his lack of personal worth and confidence by getting you to like him. So the things he does to please you are really self-serving and can often come across feeling inauthentic, or even too good to be true. Over time you start to recognize a lack of depth or substance in your relationship, how weak his character really is, and you lose interest or even resent him for it.
A powerful woman needs an equally powerful man in a relationship. He can't be living for himself or for her. He needs to be someone who lives for something greater.
This is the real secret: Find someone who lives with a sense of greater purpose, a man you respect because of who he is and the values and principles that inspire his life. Someone who knows what he wants, what he's looking for, and where he's going in his life. He wants Love and he's Loving but he's not looking for a relationship to define him. A relationship adds to his life, and he's looking to create that life with someone equally inspired and purposeful.
That is a man you can actually trust.
Challenge #3: You never feel safe
After you've been through the wringer a few times in dating, you might begin to think that there are no good men out there. After a few destructive relationships that leave you feeling defeated, deflated, and sometimes defiant against dating and relationships as a whole, finding Love can seem like a bleak prospect.
At this point, trusting the dating process or someone new can be very difficult. You're afraid if you let your guard down you'll be disappointed, let down, or even hurt.
When you don't feel safe, you don't feel at ease to be yourself and nobody gets to meet or experience the real you. Even more than that, you're so busy protecting yourself that you don't really meet or genuinely experience anyone else either. Everyone just ends up looking like different versions of people you've already met, you doubt that anyone has good intentions, and authentic connections rarely have a chance to happen.
Vulnerability is the key here. Vulnerability is being your authentic self regardless of what people might think about you. It is choosing to trust yourself and others, learning to see the best in people, and assuming good things about them. You let people in to experience you fully recognizing and accepting that there is a possibility that it might not work out, and that whether it does or not, it doesn't make you or them any less of a person.
When you've been hurt before, you tend to think that suspiciousness will keep you safe but all it does is lead to isolation and disconnection. If you want an authentic connection with someone, you have to learn to be vulnerable.
So how can you be vulnerable when the threat of being hurt is so real?
First, you have to know yourself to be strong enough to handle whatever pain or discomfort might come, which is really about your own sense of self-worth or worthiness.
Second, you need to cultivate some practical skills to prevent yourself from getting wrapped up with the wrong people. We dive deeply into those skills in our breakthrough course, A Crash Course in Love.
What we're talking about is having the courage to be your authentic self. Allow yourself to relax and connect with others. Allow people to see those soft, gentle, quirky parts of you that you may have thought of as being weak, those parts of you that you think might be rejected if you let them show.
Open your heart and trust yourself enough to know that you'll make the right choices. Be gentle with yourself and give yourself the grace to accept that you'll make some mistakes too. Have faith to know that you will learn from those mistakes and become better because of them.
Believe in the goodness of other people. Yes, there may be some bad people out there but you don't have to end up in relationships with them. When you recognize that someone isn't the kind of person that you want to be with or that you even want to be around, Love yourself enough to walk away without thinking that you have to guard yourself against the next person that comes along.
You may be thinking, "How can I possibly do all of this?" We've got you covered. A Crash Course in Love is our breakthrough course designed to give you the opportunity to work with us closely on just that. Click here for more info.
Recognize that ultimately, the parts of you that you're afraid to let other people see are the very things that the right person will Love the most about you. But they can never have the chance to fall in Love with them (and you!) if you don't let them in.
Thanks for reading. Wishing you lots of Love <3
Thank you so much for enjoying our content! Our greatest joy comes from knowing that people like you are using it to transform their lives and relationships and that the world is becoming a better place because of it.
We know the feeling of being alone, of struggling through what seems like an endless series of dead-end relationships, of waiting for the phone to ring, of being rejected and let down again.
We know what it's like to go to bed alone each night wondering if that will ever change and fearing that it might not.
We know these experiences all too well and that is why we do the work we do. We want you to know that you can find Love, that just the application of these simple tools and practices can make a complete difference in every aspect of your Love life and ultimately lead you to the lifetime partnership you so deeply crave.
You're not in this alone. We're here for you <3
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