Ever heard of breadcrumbing?
It's a new term that's recently been all over social media, but it's actually not new at all. It probably goes back as long as people have been around, and it's one of the biggest frustrations for those braving the dating world.
Breadcrumbing is when someone is giving you the minimum amount of investment necessary to keep you from walking away entirely. That could vary person to person depending on what your personal minimum is, but what you will always realize is that they never do anything extra.
You know this is happening if you feel like you're always waiting around for them to call or text or want to see you, but it never seems like they're waiting on you. It's like they keep you so starved for Love and affection that you start to be grateful for any little bit of their attention--the scraps or crumbs.
So even when you're angry or frustrated because they haven't called or texted, when they do call, you get so happy that you forget about why you were angry--that is, until the next time they do it. You really want something with this person and you're clinging to the hope that they will realize how much they Love you and want the same thing with you, so even after you've sworn them off forever you always give them another chance.
When they call and say they miss you, they awaken that spark of hope that makes you believe they've finally decided what they want, but really it's just them making the minimum possible investment to keep you around. And just when you think you've had enough and you are about to get free, they pull you back in.
It's painful, we know.
When this is happening to you, there is really only one thing to do about it, but there are a few conclusions you need to come to before you can do anything. In this post, we're going to tell you exactly what to do in a situation like this and how to do it.
First, are you actually being breadcrumbed?
How do you know if this is happening to you? The dating game is incredibly complex and things are not always so black and white. Maybe someone is just busy, maybe they really are doing their best, maybe the problem is you and not them and you just need to stop being so attached, right?
In some cases, perhaps, but this is a situation where you really have to trust your intuition. Healthy relationships feel right. They heal you, they don't hurt. Now, of course, all relationships will hurt at times, but ask yourself this:
Overall, is this relationship healing or hurting me?
Does the relationship feel right in your heart or are you constantly trying to justify it in your mind? When you know something is right you don't feel the need to constantly question it and convince yourself (and oftentimes other people) that it's good. You don't have to talk yourself into what you know.
Someone who sincerely wants a relationship with you will want you to know that. They will not want you to question it. They don't want to risk losing you so the last thing they would ever want is for you to have to wonder if you should stick around or not.
If someone isn't giving you assurance about how much you matter to them, it's likely that you don't.
Ultimately you have to come to the conclusion if you're being breadcrumbed or not yourself. But if you have the courage to be honest about it, the signs are always there.
Second, do you deserve better?
People will resign to even the most unfulfilling situations if they think they don't deserve better or if they think "this is just as good as it gets anyway." If that's how you feel about it then it's unlikely that you will ever expect to receive more or ever find yourself in a more fulfilling situation.
True Love is not something that comes easy and without effort, and it's not something that comes without personal growth and expansion. People who expect the best from life become the best themselves and therefore have the best, but people who can be content with less will always settle for "just enough."
If someone has been getting away with giving you the minimum possible investment, the first thing you have to do is raise your minimum. Simply put, that amount of effort is no longer acceptable. Find out if they are willing to do more.