We'd like you to consider an interesting question...
What does it mean to Stand for the Love That You Deserve?
We know, it's a strange sentence. Most people don't talk like that but consider the meaning of that statement for a moment:
"I stand for the Love that I deserve."
What if we told you that this one sentence is the only thing that makes the difference between ending up in another dead-end relationship and falling in Love with THE LOVE of your life? That it's the one skill that people who find Love learn to master and the only reason that people don't find Love is because they haven't mastered it.
Would you believe us?
The conventional dating and relationship game has a way of getting people wrapped up in things that they never thought they'd be in (If you say this has never happened to you, you're full of it!). It's been proven over and over again that in matters of the heart, logic is often the first thing to go, followed closely by everything else that helps us make sane decisions.
We all want to be loved and when we feel like we're getting that, we will go to insane extents to prevent losing that feeling. Sometimes the drive to keep that feeling (and person) around will cause us to allow for things that we know we shouldn't and compromise things that really are important to us.
Sometimes the fear of "being alone" outweighs what we know deep down is best for us and so just to have some company, we settle for less than what we really want. Everyone goes through this to some extent, but those who actually find the amazing relationship of their dreams learn how to stop these destructive patterns.
We tend to think that those who find Love are lucky, or that Love doesn't really exist at all, but what if finding Love was simply a matter of learning a few skills (skills that our clients are becoming masters of all the time)?
We've been there, thinking we were powerless over the situation, that it was too late for us, being afraid to even date or try again, heartbroken and afraid of more heartbreak.
But when we learned how to Stand for the Love We Deserve, that's when everything changed. And if you want a relationship that's more than just "good enough," you'll have to do the same.
That's why we wrote this post--to explain what it means to Stand for the Love You Deserve and exactly how you do that so that you can stop ending up in dead-end situations and streamline the process of meeting THE ONE.
First of all... Who cares what people think?
If you really took the time to examine how much of your decision-making is based on other people's opinions of you and what you're doing, you would be astounded by the results. People literally get married because someone else thinks it's a good idea while disregarding their intuition screaming at them that it's a horrible idea.
So much of our lives, the college we went to (or didn't), the people we date, the jobs or career paths we take, the hobbies and interests we become involved in, even the friends we have, are so often related to what others think we should do or what we think they think we should do that we've never really taken the time to get clear about what actually want.
Often, even if you are clear about what you want, you won't really pursue it because of how it would look to your family or friends, the resistance that you would have to face, or the criticism you might receive.
For most people, the Love that you really want is beyond what you or anyone you know has ever seen before, so expecting to find it will look crazy to them. Even if you have been fortunate enough to witness it, most people in your life will still tell you that it's unrealistic and unattainable.
If you disregard that feeling in your heart that tells you there's something more because you are afraid of how you might look to people or the rejection you would face, then you will remain in a continuous cycle of mediocre relationships because that's all that's available to you there.
People who doubt that your life and Love can be extraordinary are not good friends and honestly, you'd be better off without them. Start to only surround yourself with people who believe that you deserve and can have the very best that life has to offer and your personal life will begin to reflect that.
Learn to develop the courage to boldly go after the things that you really want in life, relationships, and otherwise. Train your mind to believe that what's possible for you is greater than you can currently even imagine and disregard the opinions of anyone who tries to tell you differently.
We understand that others' thoughts will always be a consideration, that's only human. But don't be stopped by others' thoughts! Know what you stand for so deeply that in the face of all the judgment you can laugh at it and disregard it because you've come to know how powerful you truly are. That is when you're ready for an extraordinary Love, and this is what we train people to do in coaching.
Take them off of the pedestal!
We do this with everyone, but it especially shows up in dating and leads to incredibly toxic situations. Human beings live in a constant relationship of comparison, comparing ourselves to everyone else and as long as you see people as somehow above or below you, you disempower yourself--at least to some extent.
It doesn't mean that you can't learn anything and that there aren't people that you should try to emulate. We actually suggest that if you want something in life, find someone who has it and learn everything you can from them. Wise people recognize the value in this and do it constantly.
But recognizing the great qualities in someone and being open to learning from them is very different than seeing yourself as below them. As long as you think someone is above you, it makes sense that you should sacrifice for them.
When you develop a crush, you usually place that person above you. You feel that they are somehow "better" than you and you have to try to "win" their affection. That because you are interested in them you somehow have to perform for their approval and they will determine whether you are good enough or not.
It sounds strange to spell it out like that but I think we can all relate to the experience of doing this. The insanity of this drama is that if you find out they also like you, you'll be likely to then put yourself above them! The idea is that if they're into you, they must not be as special as you thought they were.
Can you see how this insane cycle eats away at your worthiness? Whether you find yourself above or below someone, it is an attack on your self-esteem.
Living in this kind of constant comparison chips away at your worth and the self-esteem of everyone that you get involved with--how could it not? When you live in an inferiority/superiority competition with everyone else, the only possible outcome is that you'll sometimes feel less-than and other times feel better-than. Neither of these is a healthy mental state.
You should never over-respect anyone--everyone is due the same amount of respect. The people who act like you should over-respect them are the ones who feel the least respected in their own hearts.
When you understand and live by this, you will not be tempted to compromise your values for anyone because no relationship is worth you diminishing yourself in any way. When this becomes a code that you live by, you will only entertain relationships that make you better, inspire you, and improve your sense of worthiness.
So are you doing it right?
You have to always remember one simple law: you are the environment in which your entire life is produced. Why does a cactus grow in the desert? Because the desert's conditions are suitable for the needs of the cactus. If they weren't, it couldn't exist there.
If your life is full of toxic and/or unfulfilling relationships, you are providing the conditions in which relationships like that can thrive. This can be a difficult conversation to own up to, but it is vitally important to finding the kind of Love you're really looking for.
If you want to know if you're doing it right, look at the results you have. It doesn't mean that you should have everything you want right now but are you on track for it?
If everything about your life continues in the direction it's going for the next 10 years, will you arrive where you want to be?
Some key things to look for:
In dating, are you meeting the kinds of people that you want to be meeting or do you consistently find yourself underwhelmed?
Are in you a relationship or entertaining relationships that you KNOW are not what you really want and will never become what you really want?
Are you living for yourself and the fulfillment of your dreams or are you living according to someone else's ideas of who you should be? Another way to consider this is do you feel FREE in your life?
In your own mind, are you harshly critical of yourself and others? Are you constantly comparing yourself to others and caught on the superiority/inferiority hampster wheel?
Are you feeling less-than a particular someone and because of that you are subjecting yourself to less than you deserve?
What kinds of friends do you have? Are you surrounded by people who uplift your spirit or bring you down?
Ask yourself: If my answers to these questions continue on the same track for the next 10 years, will I be pleased with the results? If you cannot HONESTLY and CONFIDENTLY say "YES," you have some work to do.
This kind of introspection certainly requires some courage--more than most people allow themselves, but allowing yourself to go there is the only thing that will get you where you want to be.
If you are tired of relationship-related drama and have a sincere desire to transform your Love life forever, there is nothing better you could be doing than working with a coach.
We are very excited right now to announce the upcoming launch of our Conscious Relationship Mastermind Program.
In this program, we're offering all of the insights, tools, and strategies that even our most high-paying clients receive at a fraction of the cost. We'll be working weekly in intimate groups (10 people max) around your specific relationship goals. This will be a highly specified program geared towards your specific breakthroughs in a community of like-minded people who will support you in achieving what you came for.
If you're ready to streamline the process of having the Love you deserve and build lifelong friendships with people who share your values and will support you the way you need to be supported, then don't miss this opportunity to be a part of it. If you'd like to set up a discovery session (no charge) to see if this program is a fit for you, click here.
Standing for the Love you Deserve in many ways requires you to go against everything you know (at least it does for most people). Most of us have been taught that wanting the best of anything is unrealistic and that we should be content with "good enough." Most of us have spent our lives feeling "less-than" other people and trying to compensate for that in hurtful ways.
Owning up to the negative patterns and habits and making a relentless commitment to shifting them is the only way that someone can really have their dreams come true. The work we're suggesting is not easy, but then again the "easy way" always ends up being the "hard way" in the long run.
We hope this post has inspired you into some growth that might not have happened otherwise and we love you <3
Thanks for reading!
A Conscious approach to dating and relationships…
Like you, the idea of sharing our life with that special someone was particularly exciting to us, and after many years of working with individuals and couples alike, it's clear that we're not the only ones who feel that way.
We've been through enough relationship challenges (our own and others') to know exactly how scary relationships can be, how difficult dating can be, and how let-down you feel when (once again) you get excited about someone and it ends up going nowhere.
Yes, we've had these experiences and more--heartbreak, failure, disappointment, despair.
We know how painful it can be to watch everyone around you fall in Love and wonder if it's ever going to happen for you. Or, how scary it can be to see someone you Love drift away from you and feel like there is nothing you can do to stop it.
The truth is that we had a lot of work to do to be able to have the kind of Love we have today. We did that work, learned exactly what it was all about, and now we help people like YOU do the work to create the Love that you're looking for.
We help you create conscious, loving, and committed lifelong partnerships so you can experience the Love and Fulfillment that you've always dreamed of. We first address your thoughts, beliefs, feelings, fears to make sure you're ready for Love. Then we give you the strategies and skills necessary to have the satisfaction and fulfillment you truly desire in a relationship.
The most fulfilling path is never the easiest but always the most rewarding. If you're ready to work and create the Love you truly desire, click here to begin.