Maybe you've been out of the game for a while and you feel a little out of practice. Life gets busy and going out to find dates or meeting someone after a long day seems overwhelming at best and disinteresting at worst. And yet, when you're home alone at night, you really wish you had someone there to share your time with.
If you find that getting out and meeting people is overwhelming, you might be making it too hard for yourself. It can actually be the most effortless process and you don't even have to go that far out of your way to do it.
In this post, we're sharing 3 Simple Steps that will very quickly connect you with a ton of new people. Before you know it, your dating schedule will be full, and you'll hardly notice the extra effort to get it there.
1. Create a "New" Social Life
Your current social life isn't working. How do we know? Because you want more dates.
This might sound daunting at first but we're going to show you how to make it easy. There are so many ways to meet new people without doing anything that you wouldn't normally do. Whatever you Love to do, there are a lot of great people that also Love those same things. Find ways to do those things together, and you'll meet some of them.
If you like outdoor activities like hiking or biking, join groups that do that. If you like to read, join a book club. Instead of going to the gym alone, join a fitness class or a yoga studio. Try a social app like Meetup to find groups that connect you with people that share your interests--art, theater, movies, games, food, fitness, etc. There are a number of other social apps (Nearify, Foursquare, Nextdoor, MeetMyDog, etc), and online resources for connecting people with shared interests.
Another way to think about it is like this: take your existing interests to another level. Take a class or workshop on one or more of your interests. Become more committed to that thing than you were before. If it's a skill, find a master of that skill and learn from them. They will likely have other students that will become your colleagues. You simply do what you Love to do, but on a more social level. You'll grow personally and socially at the same time.
Two things happen with this approach: you boost your network and your confidence. You are fueling your passion, bettering yourself, and you are taking action to make a significant change in your Life. Most people just talk about doing it and never follow through. Following through with this, in itself, will make you feel great about yourself.
There is a subtle, but important aspect to this part that should not be overlooked:
You aren't doing this because you're trying to meet somebody. You are doing this because you are living your best Life.
If you do it for any other reason it will be inauthentic and people will sense that. The best thing you can do for your partner is to work on yourself until you meet them. Do it for YOU not them. Do it because you authentically want to better yourself. In doing that you will authentically connect with people that are also working on bettering themselves--the kind of people that you want to date.
2. Don't expect to find Love, expect to make friends
Now you're out there, you're engaged in activities that are exciting and fulfilling to you. You're also surrounded by people with similar interests and you're all growing and expanding your lives together.
This is an excellent environment to create friendships.
Not the kind of friendships in which you sit around and gossip together, but real friendships. The kind that supports you in being the kind of person that you want to be in Life. The kind in which you have conversations with each other about what's really important and you get to know each other on a real level.
Dating is really not what you think it is--or at least not what most people think it is. Dating is simply about being with people. You want to be around a lot of people. You want to meet a lot of people and practice being in relationship with them. It doesn't really matter if they are men or women; ideally, you'll have a good mix of both. It doesn't matter if you're attracted to them or not. Clearly you're not going to marry someone you're not attracted to, but that doesn't mean you can't have an amazing friendship.
We treat dating like it's a mad search for "the one" in a massive sea of people. In this mad search, we shut ourselves off to so many that we're usually not able to see "the one" when they show up. I can't tell you how many times we've been working with someone on creating Love and the person they ultimately fall in Love with has been in their Life the entire time.
If you want to have an extraordinary Love, learn to be an extraordinary friend.
There was a woman many years ago that I was very attracted to. We spent some time together and I expressed my interest. She made it clear that she only wanted to be my friend. Normally this would've upset me but I was doing a lot of personal work at the time and decided, "OK I can be cool with that. Let's see where this goes."
Over the years, this woman became one of the greatest friends of my Life. We both learned so much from our relationship and have impacted each others' Lives in significant ways. She taught me about being in relationship with someone without wanting anything from them, simply because I like who they are and genuinely care about them. I've practiced this in many relationships since and developed genuine friendships as a result. This was also the mindset I had going into my relationship with my fiance, and as our friendship and connection deepened, so did our Love and desire to create a Life together.
If you want a relationship, create relationships and learn to be really good at them. Every friendship along the way will help prepare you for the right one. And if you practice this consistently, the right one will show up.
3. Don't make such a BIG DEAL out of it
If you are connected to people, bettering yourself consistently, and becoming really good at relationships, what will happen organically is that you will be surrounded by people and opportunities. Of course you'll sometimes meet people you don't like, and you don't have to spend time with them. But you'll also meet a lot of people that you do like, and you'll find that most of the time, they'll like you too.
Inevitably you're going to receive invitations and be included in things. When you are invited out to places where people will be, say "Yes" and go. Every time you make a new friend you also connect yourself to the whole network of people they know. How many times has someone introduced you to someone else and you became great friends with the person they introduced you to? It happens all the time. You'll make friends, you'll meet their friends and their friends' friends.
You'll also meet people that you're attracted to and if you treat them the same way you treat everyone else--being kind, interested, caring--they will often be attracted to you as well. When these situations arise, ask them to meet you for coffee. This does not have to be a big deal at all!
You don't have to spend hours together on the first date. Spend 30 minutes. If there's chemistry, stay for another 30. If you like them, text them at the end of the day telling them how much you enjoyed their company and that you'd like to do it again. See what they say.
People are people and here's what they are not telling you: They want what you want. They want friendship, connection, and Love. You know this because it's what you want too. Learn how to give that to people and they'll give that right back to you. Keep doing this, and you'll have a full dating schedule that will continue until you meet someone that makes you want to stop seeing everyone else.
We believe that Love makes the world a better place and we want you to have it!
Having gone through many years of relationship challenges ourselves, we've discovered firsthand what it takes to create True Love.
We are simply two people, perfectly flawed in all kinds of ways, traveling the path of Life together, making mistakes, growing through them, and learning from success and failure.
Love is the most important thing in Life. If you're missing it, you're missing out.
We coach you through sorting out all the possible options, learning how to meet the right one, and putting all the right ingredients in at the beginning to create the Love of a Lifetime.
Get started on creating a relationship that most people only dream about.
To learn how working with us can transform your life and relationships, or if you'd like to schedule an introductory session with us, click here. We'd love to get to know you.