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Is He in Love with You?



So many of us would get hours more sleep each night if only we knew the answer to this question. Let's face it, we're not always great at communicating our deepest emotions, especially when we're new in that relationship, and sometimes men can be even worse than women in this regard. It's a vitally important question though, especially when you think that you're falling for him and you don't want to fall too hard without knowing. You also don't want to seem needy or clingy by asking about it too much. So how do you determine if he's really in Love with you? How do you know?


If you want to know that this is more than just a fling and if he's really in Love with you, read on. In this article, we're defining exactly what you should be looking for.

 


We think it's important first to be clear about what you mean by being in Love. Sometimes when we ask, "Are they in Love with me?", we don't really define what that means to us. That can make it very difficult to determine an answer because Love has very different meanings to different people.


Usually what we mean is: "Do they have strong feelings like I do? and "Do they want this relationship with me?" We don't always define it like that, but that's the general feeling around the question. We assume that if the answer to both of these questions is "Yes" then everything is great.


The problem is that very often the answer to both of these questions will be "Yes" and everything will be far from great. Having strong feelings and wanting a relationship with someone is enough to spark an intense interest, but not to create true Love.


There is a much more powerful question you can be asking. Instead of "Is he in Love with me?" ask, "Does he Love me the way I want to be Loved?"


Let's be honest, it's really not that important if he has strong feelings for you--great men are not completely driven by their feelings. He may have strong feelings for you, but that alone does not determine if he will be the man you want to share your life with. In fact, if all he has are strong feelings, that does not bode well for your relationship in the long run.


Does he want a relationship with you? To some degree, the answer is a definite yes if you've gotten far enough to wonder if he's in Love with you. Now the real question is if that's the same kind of relationship that you want to have and if the two of you truly have the potential for a life together.


So, does he Love you the way you want to be Loved? Can he? Will he? These are the real questions and what makes the difference between a fling and the Love affair of a lifetime. The great news is that when you ask these kinds of questions, it's pretty simple to find your answers. There are 3 things that you should be looking for that will tell you everything you need to know.

 


1. Is he choosing only you?


If you are looking for a committed relationship, there is room for only two partners, period. We understand that there are theories and relationship philosophies that say otherwise, but in our experience of working with hundreds of people over several years, plus our personal experience and that of people we've come to know, we've never seen it work with more than two people involved.


If you're early on in the relationship, you may both be dating multiple people. That's fine as a casual, getting-to-know-people situation. But by the time you're asking, "Is he in Love with me?", if he is still out seeing other people the answer is simple: NO.


No matter how much he "likes you", if he is not willing to be exclusive, he's not willing to really do what it takes to have a relationship work with you.


The kind of man that will honor you for a lifetime knows this and wants this himself. If he thinks that you might be the woman he can spend his Life with, he'll take every other option off of the table, no excuses, no justifications (and we've heard them all). He might be an awesome person, he might be kind and trustworthy, he might even be upfront and honest about not ready to be exclusive--it doesn't change anything. If he's not ready for an exclusive relationship, he's not ready to give you the Love you truly want.


2. Do you find yourself thinking "one day" a lot?


When you've connected with someone in deep ways, you've seen the very best of them at times, and you know exactly who they could be, you'll want to believe in them. You'll want to give them 5th and 6th chances. However, there are men out there that have fantastic qualities and show great potential, but they are not ready for a real relationship.


If you often think, "One day things will be better" or "One day he'll understand" or "One day he'll be the person I need him to be", that's a pretty clear red-flag that the man you're looking for is not here NOW, and NOW is the only time that matters.


Of course, there will be things you'll both improve on together throughout your relationship. You'll make requests of each other and do your best to fulfill each other's needs in the relationship. You'll work on building your communication and better understanding one another. But the fundamental aspects of his character, the qualities that you truly desire in a man, those will already be there.


He will take your thoughts and feelings seriously. He will treat you with kindness and respect. He will listen to what you say. When something is important to you, he will pay attention to it. He'll support you, though you may need to tell him how sometimes, but the willingness to do so will be there. He will never speak badly about you, to you or to anyone else.


We're not saying that he will be perfect--he won't be. You'll both be imperfect, always. But his willingness will be there from the start and it will always be followed by action. You will never feel like "one day he'll be the right man"; you'll see he is the right one now, and together, you'll be working to have the relationship be right.


3. Do you have a "Grand Canyon" kind of Love?


One of our favorite places in the world is the Grand Canyon. If you haven't been yet, go--it is one of the most incredible places you'll ever see. It's so "Grand" that it's difficult to comprehend, like your mind has trouble processing how vast and beautiful the canyon is.


What makes the canyon extraordinary is not just that it's big. The Canyon's vastness is enhanced by thousands of details, each beautiful in their own right. There are cliffs, valleys, trees, creatures, waterfalls, and more, all contained within a single canyon. The dimension of the details makes it what it is. Without that, it would just be a big hole.


A relationship should be like the Canyon in that way. Relationships are not made up of big dramatic moments, but rather of the small details of each day. That's what makes them truly "Grand". A man that is willing to Love you the way you want to be Loved will make the small things a big deal.



We often hear people say, "But when it's good, it's really good!" That is heartbreaking for us to hear. Hidden within that statement is the fact that "it's not always good", and that's a problem. When someone relies on a past experience in the relationship to justify how things are currently, that means they have nothing in their present experience alone to validate what they have. They cling to their past to assure them that what they have in the present is good. As we've said before, NOW is the only time that matters.


If you are not having small moments in your day-to-day life that validate what you have together and affirm that it is, in fact, worth having, then you are missing the essence of what makes Love worth it.


It should not require a major event to bring you closer together. You shouldn't have to cling to the way he apologized after he hurt you and bought you flowers to make up for it. He should just bring you flowers for the sake of doing so. If you find yourself thinking back on that magical weekend you had at the beach, or to those first few months when everything was new and felt good, ask yourself: What did he do or say today that showed you his Love for you? What about yesterday?


If he only responds after you've had a big fight--things change for a week and then go back to how they were before--you're in a position in which you have to fight to get what you want in the relationship, and that is not sustainable. What does he do without any outside motivation to show you that you and your life together are important to him? How does he make your life better? Help you? Cheer you on? How does he make you feel great about what you have together? If you can't answer that, he is not Loving you the way you want to be Loved.

 


It's always important to remember to be generous in your assessments of the relationship. To a degree, you want to give him the benefit of the doubt. The wrong person will reveal themselves even with a few second chances. We've seen situations where none of what we've spoken about was present in the relationship and after a few sessions with us and working out some clear communication with each other, it all began to show up.


The right man will be willing to grow in the relationship, he will back that willingness with action, and he will treat you with respect. If you think your man has these qualities, then there's likely the potential for an incredible Love.


While we are presenting the principles of great relationships, these are not intended to be blanket statements that apply to all situations, as your situation is unique from others. If you are unsure about where your relationship stands in all of this and would like our insight, click here, to schedule a session with us.


And thank you for reading <3

 


The Living Relationship


Our story is your story. Two people, perfectly flawed in all kinds of ways, traveling the path of Life together, making mistakes, growing through them, and learning from study, success, and failure.


We say that we Teach the Art of Extraordinary Love!


While we all must travel this journey of Life, with its ups and downs, its joys and its pains, this path is so much better traveled with a partner.


Our commitment is to people having that partnership, to their lives being filled with Love, and to their relationships being safe, healthy, and Loving.


To learn how working with us can transform your life and relationships, or if you'd like to schedule an introductory session with us, click here. We'd love to get to know you and begin building powerful, connected, and Loving relationships together.

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