Why Relationships Fail in the First Year

Did you know that 70 percent of new couples will break up within the first year? That number is staggering isn't it?

There are certain things that must happen in the first year of a relationship that will determine its success or failure. Most new couples will make these mistakes and, until they are corrected, the pattern of one failed relationship after another will likely continue. Once you become aware of what these are and how to prevent them, you'll know exactly what to do about it.

In this post, we're going to tell you:

1. How to meet the right people to begin with.

2. How to identify what WORKS with that person and do it.


3. The 3 stages that every new relationship must go through to succeed.

So let's get started...

1. Are you dating the right people?

Now clearly there is no way to know whether the one you're seeing is the right one until you really get to know them, but there are things you can do that will set you up for success.

If you're like most people, then you date mostly based on attraction and feelings. These are important, but they are not the whole deal. Of course you will want to be attracted to and feel good about the person you're dating, but you also need to think clearly about what that person is like and whether they have qualities that you look for in a partner.

Studies have shown that Love is quite literally blind. Feelings of Love actually override the critical thinking processes in the brain. If you've ever found yourself thinking years after a relationship ends, "OMG what did I ever see in this person?", that's probably why. Your initial attraction is intoxicating but usually has very little to do with the person's actual character.

Without becoming a robot there is no way to avoid this entirely, and you wouldn't want to anyway. Nobody wants to miss out on all the great "feels" of new Love. But what about when the "feels" fade? There are some things you can do when dating to protect yourself from disappointment and heartbreak.

Consider what kind of person you want to meet. Not just how they look, but what are they like? What kinds of things would they say and do? How will they treat you? How will they treat other people? If you are clear about this from the beginning, when you meet them, you'll know.

Consider where you would meet someone like that. An astonishing number of people meet their potential partners in bars or nightclubs. We're not saying that can't work, but it's not the most promising place to find true Love. Perhaps your regular environment--work, school, social life, etc.--doesn't easily foster connection with the kind of person you want to meet. If that's so, then you'll need to get out of your comfort zone and put yourself in situations where you'll be likely to meet new kinds of people.

Identify specific things that you can recognize about a person when you meet them. For example: they say please and thank you; they tip well; they tend to have positive and uplifting things to say about others and about life in general; they seem to be generous, kind, courteous, respectful.

Make them qualities that you can easily identify before getting to know someone. Create your list of qualities and don't entertain anyone who doesn't live up to them. If you learn to be discerning in this way, you will immediately begin dating very high quality people. Our clients have seen tremendous shifts in their relationships with this one simple practice.

2. Never stop doing the things that make the relationship work.

All relationships that work have one thing in common: both partners involved never get lazy.

You can expect to see the best of your partner early on in the relationship. Everything is new and exciting. There is passion and connection and you can't keep your hands off each other. You are both willing to compromise, be adventurous and outside of the box. You stay up all night together. You're generous and open, willing to give everything you can to each other.

It's very common about three to nine months into the relationship for all this to begin to change. Some change is natural and of course necessary, but some is not. This is the point in which one or both partners tend to get comfortable in the relationship. They stop caring about all the little things that made the relationship feel special and magical. They assume that their Love is understood and stop doing the things that make the other person feel Loved.

The details of a relationship will change. You will likely not show your Love the same way a year into the relationship as you did 2 months in. What should never change is the intention to show your Love. Just as you cannot live on the food you ate yesterday, your relationship cannot survive on the Love that was given yesterday.