When you're into someone it's a really amazing feeling.
The excitement, hope, and anticipation are intoxicating. It's so easy to get swept away, especially when that person knows how to do and say all of the right things.
Wanting Love is such a normal and natural thing. It's good to want Love and it's the most worthwhile thing you can ever desire.
The only problem is when wanting Love is costing you the Love of yourself.
When you entertain relationships that are hurting you.
When you feel less about yourself because of someone who is in your life.
When you are allowing your self-respect to be compromised in the hope of pleasing them.
We've done this many times in our past, experienced all the pain of it, and we know how badly it hurts. Knowing what to look for and listen for is half the battle. That's why we're sharing a few ways you can catch it early on before you get too carried away in the relationship.
In this post, we're sharing 3 early signs that you shouldn't date him.
By considering these 3 signs, you'll only entertain relationships that show at least some amount of promise and that's a great first step towards finding the Love that you desire.
#1 He's not looking for anything serious
Let's start by saying that we see nothing wrong with people not looking for something serious.
Most people go through a phase of "playing the field" with no commitment. That's normal. Sadly, people usually suffer a lot while doing that but there's nothing inherently wrong with it.
Still, it's important to note that people who aren't looking for something serious usually don't find it and that's where things start to go wrong.
The player's most famous line is, "I'm not looking for anything serious but who knows, anything could happen..."
With this line, he gives you just enough possibility to keep you waiting around with zero commitment that you can actually count on.
It's not that he's malicious or evil or out to hurt you. He's just being himself. The truth is he wants to get to know you, spend time with you, sleep with you, and have access to your life...
But he doesn't want to give you any level of commitment in return for that.
If you're clear that you don't want commitment and you're ok with that, then you can explore it and see what happens. There's nothing to lose.
But if you do want commitment, you can't allow yourself to buy into his game.
What he's doing is telling you early on: "DON'T EXPECT ANYTHING FROM ME."
Later when you want a real relationship, he'll say, "I told you I didn't want anything serious."
If you want a committed relationship, you deserve to have it. You deserve someone who wants you in the same way you want them. But to find that, you can only entertain people who also want that, otherwise, you'll find yourself in endless cycles, chasing people who want something else, and trying to make them change their mind.
# 2 He doesn't want to tell people about you
Nobody keeps someone they Love a secret. It's really that simple.
Even early on, when you're into someone and excited about it, the natural thing to do is to want to tell your friends or family about it. People who feel the need to hide things usually have things to hide. When someone is authentically looking for Love they aren't going to want to keep it a secret when they find it.
There may be a period of time in the first month or so that you don't broadcast it on social media. That's completely normal. We're not suggesting that you should announce it to the world after your first date, but there is a distinct difference between someone being discreet and someone being secretive.
You want someone who is proud of you, someone who wants to be seen with you, someone who wants people to know that you're together. If they don't want to be seen with you publicly, they don't take their relationship with you that seriously.
If he wants a relationship with you, he's not going to want other people to think you're still available and he's also not going to want others to think he's still available.
If he's hiding your relationship it can only mean that he's trying to keep a door open somewhere else.
He may have his reasons for it and it doesn't necessarily make him a bad person, but it does make him not ready for a relationship and unable to give you what you're looking for in the relationship.
And that's reason enough not to entertain him.
If you're ready to find Love then you don't have time to play games like that.
#3 He has drama with an ex
This can often be the cause behind reason #2 and as real as it may be, it's a huge red flag for the relationship to come.
When a man has drama from past relationships, it means he has incompleteness in those relationships. There is unfinished business that he needs to work out. Sometimes he needs to learn how to set boundaries and sometimes he is intentionally leaving the door open for his ex.
In either case, that's his deal to work out, not yours.
When you're ready for a relationship and ready to Love another person, you're going to create space for them in your life. You don't want someone you Love to have to deal with the drama from your past. You want them to feel safe and at home. If they haven't done the work to clean up their past before inviting you in, that shows that they're not ready for something new and are still repeating the same old patterns.
The simple fact is that you deserve to be number one in his life and you need someone who is prepared to make you that. You shouldn't have to compete with his ex or anyone else.
If his ex still calls and texts him (or even worse, calls and texts you), this is not a man who is empowered enough in his life to know what he wants and to stand up for it.
The man you're looking for will stand up for your relationship to his ex, and to everyone else. He will cherish what he's creating with you so much that he will not tolerate any past drama getting involved.
You should never have to answer to someone's ex for your relationship with them. You want to feel secure, safe, and loved. You want to know where you stand and you want others to know that too. You deserve that, so don't allow for anything less.
One of the biggest challenges with modern dating is that non-committal behavior is so common we accept it as normal. If it's all you've ever known, of course you would. The ironic thing is that when someone does show up with commitment, it's so strange to us that we think it's suspect or too good to be true.
When we're into someone, we usually just overlook the things that we don't like about the relationship and hope they get better in the future. But the truth is, these things don't get better with time, only worse.
Consciously creating your ideal partnership requires you to be clear about what you want in a relationship, how you want to feel with this person, and how you want to be treated by them. When it's not happening, you have to use your voice and ask for what you want. At times, you will have to walk away from something you don't want so you can walk towards what you do.
It's easy to think that if you don't settle for less you'll end up alone but you'll feel more alone with the wrong person than you ever would by yourself anyway. You can create the Love you're looking for but you have to create courage first. There's no other way around it.
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Wishing you a lifetime of Love. Thank you for reading <3
Thank you so much for enjoying our content! Our greatest joy comes from knowing that people like you are using it to transform your lives and relationships and that the world is becoming a better place because of it.
We know the feeling of being alone, of struggling through what seems like an endless series of dead-end relationships, of waiting for the phone to ring, of being rejected and let down again and again.
We know what it's like to go to bed alone each night wondering if that will ever change and fearing that it might not.
We know these experiences all too well and that is why we do the work we do. We want you to know that you can find Love, that the application of these simple tools and practices can make a complete difference in every aspect of your Love life, ultimately leading you to the intimate, loving, lifetime partnership you so deeply crave.
You're not in this alone. We're here for you <3