Dating could be the most inspiring, uplifting, and creative journey of your life.
It could literally be a period of expansive personal growth and insight where you explore your passion, learn to Love yourself like never before, create authentic connection with amazing people, and you consciously select your ideal life partner.
But most of us don't experience it that way.
Most of us feel defeated, deflated, rejected, ignored, unloved, and unworthy.
Our relationships feel like we're constantly straddling the fence of excitement and anxiety. When it gets intense, we lose our peace and power, and sometimes, we feel like we'd do almost anything for Love.
Being in Love is amazing. There's a reason why we go to the crazy extremes we do for it. It's literally one of the most incredible experiences in life but to think that this experience is worth paying any price is a big mistake.
Love is not worth any price and the ironic thing is that the more you pay for it the less you get in return. Love is not something that takes from us and relationships that do are relationships where we've mistaken something else for Love.
In this post, we're going to share why the search for Love is costing you way too much and how the only way to ever find Love is to be willing to pay less for it.
Love is Not Sacrifice
A Loving relationship is not something that forces us to diminish ourselves or sacrifice anything that is truly valuable to us. In fact, a Loving relationship is always an environment that raises you up to your best.
Of course, it requires hard-work, challenge, compromise, understanding, and empathy, but not sacrifice. We should not be sacrificing ourselves for Love but instead having Love call us into being the greatest expression of who we can be. It should make us better, not worse.
The fake Love trap looks like this:
You meet someone, you like them, and you want them to like you back. You've had a few great dates, maybe you're talking a lot, maybe you're sleeping together.
It began as genuine excitement, the possibility of something new, the possibility of Love. It was authentic, innocent, and pure but then something happened--a moment of fear.
Maybe it was something they said, maybe it seems like someone else is in the picture, maybe they hinted that they don't really want anything serious. Maybe it's just that things have been dragging on for a while and you have no certainty about where this is going.
Whatever happened, you start to become preoccupied with this person, you're afraid that you're going to lose them and you start trying to figure out how you can keep them.
You've lost sight of what's important and you've forgotten the real goal.
The goal is never to get the Love and attention of this person. The goal is to create a Loving and Conscious Relationship. When you forget the goal, you'll sacrifice the Love you desire for the attention you want.
Here the relationship becomes destructive because Love is no longer the goal. The goal is now the attention and affection of this person and when that is what's most important to you, there is almost nothing you won't sacrifice.
To find Love, the relationship of your dreams has to be more important to you than the attention of any one person. Nobody is worth that kind of sacrifice, no matter how much you like them.
What does Love really cost?
When you're in a Loving, committed relationship, your life does change. If you perceive those changes as a cost then I suppose there is a cost, but a conscious relationship will never take the things that matter most.
In a committed relationship, you no longer have the flexibility that comes with knowing that your actions don't affect anyone else. Your partner will have opinions and reactions to the choices you make and if you want a healthy relationship, you'll need to be considerate of how your choices affect them.
You'll likely need boundaries with the opposite sex different from what you would have as a single person. That's part of showing your partner and your relationship respect.
You'll need to allocate time to your relationship and a lot of the activities you did as a single person will likely be replaced with couple activities. Over time, you'll likely spend less time with single friends and more time with couple friends.
I point this out just to say that a long-term committed relationship does change your life and there is a certain "cost" involved. But this is what a Loving relationship will not cost you:
Your dignity, your self-respect, your heartfelt dreams and desires, your hope, your ambition, your happiness.
When people say things like relationships are hard work and you have to pay the price, they don't mean that you have to sacrifice your principles, your values, or your dignity for the Love of another person.
Giving up the things that are most important to you to keep someone else in your life is not Love, it's the first step toward resentment. It won't bring you closer to that person, it will create a rift between you.
Love doesn't cost the things that truly matter, it brings you closer to them. When you are well-Loved you are empowered to live your purpose and your passion. Anyone who seeks to prevent that is not Loving you, they are controlling you.
The Correct Way to Search for Love
Most of us have been conditioned to live our lives on the basis of what is expected of us. We've not been encouraged to follow our hearts and dreams. Instead, we're told to make the practical and reasonable choice to make our parents proud and be accepted in the eyes of society.
When we look at how this philosophy plays out long-term, we see that people grow old feeling like they wasted their life on someone else's dream and never got around to the things that really mattered.
Despite this, we still use this as a basis for our life choices--from our education to our career, what car we should drive, where we should live, and even our relationship choices.
We try to shape who we are to accommodate for what we think other people want and at the end of the day, we abandon ourselves to impress someone who likely wasn't all that impressed anyway.
In truth, the most impressive thing is authenticity. You can learn all the dating tips and relationship strategies but unless you can be authentic, none of it will matter.
The most attractive thing you could ever be is yourself. Until you get that, you'll spend your life bending over backward to accommodate other people and at the end of the day, you'll be alone, whether you're in a relationship or not.
When we see someone boldly living their life, being true to themselves, honoring the unique gift that they are--imperfections and all--it wakes something up inside of us. We want to get to know that person, be closer to them and spend time with them.
They make us feel alive. They make us want to fall in Love with them. We don't fall in Love with people who are over-accommodating--we get bored with them.
Live your life authentically and follow your passion. It will bring you to the right places and connect you to the right people. It's the thing that will make someone fall in Love with you and because they fall in Love with you authentically, you'll never have to pretend to be someone else for them.
If you're ready to live a fully expressed and authentic life while honoring your principles and values and creating authentic connections with the most amazing people, click here to schedule an introductory session with us.
Join us this Thursday for a Free Live Workshop on the Three Secrets to Create Your Ideal Relationship. We'll be sharing stories and our personal process for how we and so many successful couples got started on their journey to finding and creating their conscious, connected, passionate, connected Love. See you there!
Thanks for reading. Lots of Love <3
Thank you so much for enjoying our content! Our greatest joy comes from knowing that people like you are using it to transform your lives and relationships and that the world is becoming a better place because of it.
We know the feeling of being alone, of struggling through what seems like an endless series of dead-end relationships, of waiting for the phone to ring, of being rejected and let down again and again.
We know what it's like to go to bed alone each night wondering if that will ever change and fearing that it might not.
We know these experiences all too well and that is why we do the work we do. We want you to know that you can find Love, that the application of these simple tools and practices can make a complete difference in every aspect of your Love life, ultimately leading you to the intimate, loving, lifetime partnership you so deeply crave.
You're not in this alone. We're here for you <3