There is nothing more frustrating than investing your time, heart, and energy in a relationship that's going nowhere.
This more than anything else can kill your spirit.
We know you want a safe, caring, and committed partnership. You want someone you can rely on and trust. Someone that you know will be there no matter what.
And we know you deserve to have that. That's why, more than anything, we want you to never waste your valuable time with the wrong person. We want you to spend your time with people who are worthy of it. People who appreciate you for who you are. People who recognize the gift that you are.
But we also understand how confusing it can all be. When you give your heart to someone and have your hopes and dreams wrapped up with them, you want so badly for it to work out that it doesn't all seem clear.
After the fact, when it all falls apart, you judge yourself and wonder, "How could I not see it?"
But of course you couldn't. You were in too deep.
We know all these feelings very well, we've been there. What we can share with you are a few simple ways to not get in "too deep" too fast.
So read on. Here are the 3 most common ways that most people find themselves in dead-end relationships and how not to get lost in them.
#1 You didn't say what you wanted at the beginning
So often we're afraid to simply ask for what we want.
Most people, in their hearts, want a relationship so badly but won't even admit it to themselves, let alone to anyone else. They think that wanting a relationship somehow makes them weak, needy, or pathetic.
We've reversed this thinking and we say that the only weak, needy, or pathetic thing about it is being too ashamed to be honest about what you really want.
Ask yourself, "Do I really have the courage to be honest about what I want?"
It's a tough question but a big one.
One of the most important things you can do in dating is to tell someone up-front that you want a relationship and ask them if they want the same.
Say, "I need to be honest with you. I'm looking for something serious and before we get too involved, I need to know if you want the same thing. It's ok if you don't, but I don't want to waste my time or yours."
That's something you can say on a first date or even a first phone call.
If you struggle to find a committed person, you have to consider whether you might struggle with commitment yourself. You may want a commitment, but do you want it enough to not accept anything less?
Most people won't be that direct because they're afraid of what that person will think of them, how they'll be perceived, or of being rejected. So instead of being honest about what you want, you attempt to play a game about it, hoping it all works out in the end.
But you already know...
It never does.
If you want Love and commitment, you have to learn to let go of any shame you have around wanting it and know that you are worthy and deserve to have it. Then you'll have the courage to truly stand up for it.
#2 You compromised your standards for the sake of the relationship
We know why this happens and believe us, we've done it more times than we like to admit.
When you want to be with someone you'll do almost anything to try and make it work. The devastating thing is that so much of what we do to try and make a relationship work is attacking ourselves. We sacrifice our values to try and please the other person.
You know because you've been through it that no amount of compromise is ever enough. This path always leads to a point where the relationship becomes so disheartening that you can't bear it anymore.
When someone you're dating crosses the line, you have to Love yourself enough to say, "That's the line, and if you want to be with me, I need you to respect that."
Now, you may not know what your standards are if you've never really thought about it. You may just be hoping to find a relationship that's "good enough" and haven't even considered what your ideal relationship would be like.
But consider this:
If you're only looking for "good enough", you will always feel unfulfilled. To have the Love and Commitment you want, you have to know what you expect from a relationship and be willing to stand up for it.
No relationship will be perfect, but you can find someone who wants to work towards perfection with you. You can find someone who cares about your happiness and will do everything in their power to make you happy. You can find someone who wants to live up to your standards but you have to identify and communicate them first.
When you learn to do this, you will likely lose people, but you'll soon realize that it's not actually a loss. You are simply sorting out those with true potential from those with no real potential so that you're not wasting time with dead-ends.
#3 You saw them for who you wanted them to be, not who they are
People are always being themselves. Nobody keeps up an act 100% of the time.
In your honest reflections, when you look at toxic relationships from the past, you can see that the signs were always there. You just didn't want to face them.
That's totally normal. When you want to be with someone, you're inclined to look the other way on certain things. But just because it's normal, doesn't mean it works. The normal thing is to settle for less, but if that's what you really wanted you wouldn't be reading this right now.
Creating a conscious relationship is abnormal, most people never get there.
Especially in the first year, when something happens that you just don't feel right about, when they do or say something that doesn't sit right with you, the most important thing you can do is investigate it.
It doesn't mean you start a fight over it. You could simply ask a question about it or share how it made you feel. Explore it a little deeper and see how they respond to your sharing. Be honest with yourself if this person has the character of your ideal partner.
A good partner will understand your concerns and listen. They will do their best to make you feel better about it and be open to working on it themselves if necessary. When someone attacks you for it or makes you feel stupid or wrong about it, that's a red flag right there--They don't have the capacity to respect your thoughts or feelings and work through challenges with you.
Creating a successful relationship is about being brutally honest with yourself. Does this person have the character of someone you can build a life with? If you avoid this question, chances are it will not end well for you.
Love is a rush. It's so common to get caught up in the rush of feelings and excitement that before you know it, you end up in the middle of a nightmare situation and can't figure out how you got there.
You ask yourself, "How did we get here? And how do we get back to where we were?"
Usually, by the time you end up here, what's being revealed is that the relationship was never built to last in the first place but you were looking the other way because you didn't want to spoil the dream.
We don't want you to miss the rush of feelings and excitement. We want you to enjoy them! But we also want you to have something so much deeper in the end. Otherwise, you end up being someone who is constantly chasing the rush of Love but never finding fulfillment in it.
Long term, that road is bitter and empty.
There is someone out there who wants to create your dreams with you. They want to Live, Laugh, and Love with you. They want to grow old with you after a long and happy life. But until you have the courage to know what you want and ask for it, to uphold your standards, and to be brutally honest with yourself about it, they simply can't get to you. You'll be too distracted with the drama of dead-end relationships.
More than anything, we want you to know how worthy you are, how much you deserve to be Loved, and to not settle for less than the ideal. The partnership you've always wanted, the one your heart truly desires, is out there. Believe it, and if you don't believe it yet, start believing it. They are out there looking for you as much as you are looking for them, and every step you take in the right direction towards consciously creating that relationship brings you one step closer to meeting them.
We're here to support you all along the way. Join us for our Live free introductory workshop this Thursday to learn the 3 Secrets to Create an Epic Love Story and Find your Ideal Partner.
We hope to see you there! Wishing you all the Love in the world <3
Thank you so much for enjoying our content! Our greatest joy comes from knowing that people like you are using it to transform your lives and relationships and that the world is becoming a better place because of it.
We know the feeling of being alone, of struggling through what seems like an endless series of dead-end relationships, of waiting for the phone to ring, of being rejected and let down again and again.
We know what it's like to go to bed alone each night wondering if that will ever change and fearing that it might not.
We know these experiences all too well and that is why we do the work we do. We want you to know that you can find Love, that the application of these simple tools and practices can make a complete difference in every aspect of your Love life, ultimately leading you to the intimate, loving, lifetime partnership you so deeply crave.
You're not in this alone. We're here for you <3
We'd Love the opportunity to get to know you better and here's one way we can do that! Click here to join our next Live Workshop for free. Hope to see you there!