Boundaries: Why You Need Them and How to Create Them

Boundaries are important.

We're aware that creating a boundary isn't the sexiest conversation and it's definitely not the most fun thing to do, but for those very reasons, people ignore its importance and end up suffering the consequences later.

When we neglect to state where the line is with others, they will always cross it.

Not because they are bad people, but because they don't even know the line exists. They do or say things that hurt and are completely unaware of why you're bothered by it. Usually, they start to feel like they can't do anything right or you have a problem with everything.

Setting boundaries isn't about starting a fight or attacking the other person, it's actually what you do so you won't have to fight later. Boundaries are the way you communicate to each other how you can feel respected in the relationship.

Still, most of us probably don't know what boundaries to set or how to bring them up.

Well, this post is designed to help with that. Here we're going to explain how to discover what a true boundary is for you and how you can communicate it to your partner.

First, let's talk about what a boundary is...

A boundary is a line of respect. You're basically saying that on this side of the line, I feel respected, and on the other side, I don't.

Now, we have to say that what's considered a solid boundary for one person might mean nothing to someone else. It depends on the individual. There is no such thing as a "right" boundary, but you do have the right to ask for any boundary that will make you feel safe.

When it comes to a relationship, it's important to create an openness with each other in which you feel safe to ask. It's also important to recognize that boundaries aren't fixed. What is a boundary for you at one point may not be a boundary for you a year or even a month later.

As you get to know each other better, as life changes, and as the relationship changes, your boundaries will change as well. So it's not like you set your boundaries and you're done. This is an unfolding communication between the two of you.

You know what your boundaries are based on how the actions of your partner make you feel. When they do or say something that makes you feel disrespected, that's when you know they've crossed the line.

You may not even be aware that it is a boundary for you until it happens, so it's important to avoid getting angry about what they did and instead try to express how it made you feel.

If you can help them understand that what they did was hurtful to you without blaming them or attacking them for it, they will likely understand where you're coming from and want to help.

If you pay attention to your own personal reactions and refrain from blaming your partner for them, you will be in an excellent position to openly communicate with them about what you're experiencing.

Ok, so how do we talk about boundaries?

This is certainly the most complex part because we can all be very sensitive at times and nobody wants to feel wrong or be accused of disrespecting someone they care about.

When you're attempting to communicate a boundary with your partner it's important to remember a few things:

  1. It's not their fault you felt disrespected. You felt disrespected because of the way you received their action. If you can communicate that, they won't feel blamed for it.

  2. You're not telling them that what they did was wrong, you're telling them how it made you feel. You're asking them to help you create a relationship in which you both feel respected.

  3. The boundary is simply you communicating to your partner: "This is how you can Love me." And your partner, who Loves you, will want to know that.