The number one statement we hear about online dating is how much people hate it. We know how frustrating it is to be looking for Love in an environment where people seem to want everything but then you receive unwanted or inappropriate messages and you end up sorting through literally hundreds of people without finding a single real connection.
And then you hear us say:
"If you hate online dating, you're not using it properly."
That's annoying, we know, so we thought we would share some of our ideas on the subject to help you understand what we mean when we say "using it properly."
Online dating is an incredible tool! You literally have access to connecting with thousands of people from the comfort of your own home. Technology is so incredible that you can even have a first date with someone without ever having to meet them in person.
But online dating is still dating, the good and the bad. Even more, it's a concentrated dating environment so we understand why you hate it. All the things you hate about dating are right there in your living room and you are forced to confront them. So if you've always done your best to avoid those feelings and experiences it will be miserable.
Still, in today's world and especially during a pandemic, online dating is such a powerful resource that if you don't choose to leverage it, you're missing out. Before you write it off completely, explore how you can adjust your relationship to it. Once you do that, you may find that you feel very differently about it and it may even become an amazing resource for you.
Read on, we're going to be telling you all about it. Here are a few powerful ways to completely shift your experience with online dating.
First, Have an Amazing Profile
We know you're not a basic person, but does your profile demonstrate that? It's a powerful point to consider.
Of course, there are people out there with no sense, but if you receive a lot of unwanted attention, there must be something in your profile that makes people think you might respond to that.
Ask yourself, "Does my profile communicate how amazing I really am? Is it a good representation of how brilliant, beautiful, and fun I am?" Your profile should make you look so stunning that mediocre people don't even try. They assume you are out of their league.
A few tips to consider when it comes to your pics:
Your pictures should make you look awesome. Basic pictures make you look like a basic person.
NO SELFIES! ESPECIALLY IN THE MIRROR! You look like everyone else who has nothing better going on than to stand in the bathroom and take pictures of themselves.
And no duck lips! Try smiling instead.
Your pictures can be sexy but if that's all they are people will simply see you as a sex object. Find pictures that demonstrate your intelligence, your accomplishments, your interests, and your adventurous spirit. Get a few candid active photos, photos with cool friends, fun times spent with family members you love to be around, and maybe even do a photoshoot with a photographer to make sure you look your best.
In your description say something elevated and intelligent so dull people don't try to talk to you. Make it clear that you're only interested in speaking with someone who is looking for True Love and anyone else shouldn't bother reaching out.
Don't try to say something that others will like you for. Again, that just makes you look like everyone else. Say something that shows your unique personality. Say something that the man or woman of your dreams would read and think, "WOW, I have to talk to this person."
Your profile should make you stand out way above 90% of the others on the app. The great thing about this is that you can curate it. You can be as creative as you want and communicate whatever you want to. Allow your beauty and brilliance to shine through, that's what will attract the right people.
Next, Screen Potential Interests
If screening people doesn't feel sexy to you, I'd ask you--How sexy is wasting your time?
Of course, you wouldn't screen people you meet in person this way, but you're also not sorting through hundreds of people in person so you shouldn't act as though the same rules apply.
Not everyone deserves your time and attention. You need to have a minimum standard. If this person doesn't have the minimum level of impressiveness, intention, and intelligence, why spend any time with them?
So what does a screening process look like? We suggest having a few questions ready to go. It doesn't mean you can't exchange a few pleasantries first (hi, how are you? etc.) but after that, you can simply say, "Before we take this conversation any further, would you mind answering a few questions for me?"
Anyone who won't answer your questions isn't worth your time, we promise.
The first question should be: "Are you looking for Love, or just something casual?" Someone who from the beginning is going to say they only want something casual is so far from being ready for a relationship that going down that road with them will only cause frustration. Being upfront about this one question will save you years of your life!
The next question could be something like: "What are you looking for in a relationship?" Here you're looking for something substantial: Someone who demonstrates they actually do want a relationship and they've given it some thought, someone who's not afraid to add a little depth to the conversation so you know they're not boring.
For the last question, we would suggest something like: "What are you most excited about in your life right now?" This gives you an idea of what's important to them and the kind of person they are. Maybe it's their family or career, maybe they have a big project they're working on, maybe they're an artist or creative in some way. You should expect that they have more going on in their life than scrolling on a dating app all day.
By having a simple process like this, you know that anyone you talk to is going to have at least the minimum potential. And this will ensure that more of the conversations are interesting and exciting for you.
And Lastly, Limit Your Time and Investment
One of the biggest reasons that people hate dating apps is because they put way too much pressure on it. Rather than thinking of it as your primary means to make connections, think of it more as something that is running on the side or in the background, and every now and then it leads to a good connection.
We think you shouldn't spend more than 30 min per day on the app. Go on, make a couple of swipes, chat with any connections you make, and be done with it.
When someone makes it through your screening process, give them your number so you can get off the app and start texting with them. There's no need to make this unnecessarily difficult.
Once you've been texting with someone for a couple of days and it's going well, ask if they want to have a cup of coffee with you on Facetime. That will be your first date, and if it doesn't go well, you'll have found that out in a week instead of a month.
The secret to having a powerful relationship with a dating app is to not have any expectations of it. If you want it to be something it's not (a magical cure to all of your dating problems), it will let you down and you'll hate it. But if you allow it to be what it is--a powerful resource to make connections with people--and you don't take it too seriously, every now and then it will connect you to an amazing person and require almost no effort on your part.
Just like you want them to be someone who has more going on than sitting on a dating app all day, you'll want to be that too. Fill your life with so many positive things that bring you joy that you barely have time for the app. Make time for that 15 mins at the end of the day to check in and read your messages and the rest of the time forget about it.
When you do this you'll find that you relieve all the stress and anxiety around it and it becomes something that actually brings some joy and excitement to your life.
We hope this post has helped you understand what an amazing tool dating apps can be for you and how easy it can be once you get the hang of it.
If you'd like to explore further, we have an upcoming workshop called How to Find Love in the Modern Dating Scene where we explore the most common challenges of the modern dating world and how you can overcome them. Click Here to Register for free.
Do what inspires you and enjoy the journey. Lots of Love <3
Thank you so much for enjoying our content! Our greatest joy comes from knowing that people like you are using it to transform your lives and relationships and that the world is becoming a better place because of it.
We know the feeling of being alone, of struggling through what seems like an endless series of dead-end relationships, of waiting for the phone to ring, of being rejected and let down again and again.
We know what it's like to go to bed alone each night wondering if that will ever change and fearing that it might not.
We know these experiences all too well and that is why we do the work we do. We want you to know that you can find Love, that the application of these simple tools and practices can make a complete difference in every aspect of your Love life, ultimately leading you to the intimate, loving, lifetime partnership you so deeply crave.
You're not in this alone. We're here for you <3
We'd Love the opportunity to get to know you better and here's one way we can do that! Click here to join our next Live Workshop for free. Hope to see you there!