Search

Is Asking for Commitment Asking Too Much?


To want commitment is only human.


Asking for commitment is asking to have someone make you important, to make you a priority, to care about you as more than a toy for them to play with, to consider your needs, your wants, and your desires.


Asking for commitment from someone is asking to matter to them.


Unfortunately, most of us have been made to feel wrong for asking for commitment. We've been told that doing so is "pressure" and that it will drive someone away. We've been taught to pretend that we don't really want commitment--to act like wasting our time is cool and no big deal.


Because of this, we behave inauthentically trying to be someone we're not and all the while slowly dying inside from heartbreak.


Fear of asking for commitment forces us to diminish ourselves in dating. We become less authentic and less powerful. We give people power over us and allow them to cross our boundaries. We allow people to take what they want without giving us anything in return.


And because we allow and even encourage this disrespect, we lose respect for ourselves also. We abandon ourselves to get someone to like us and the worst part is that they still don't like us the way we wish they would.


So is it too much to ask for commitment? Does it drive people away? And how do you approach this topic anyway?


In this post, we're going to answer these questions in a clear and powerful way so that you can empower yourself to ask for the commitment you crave and be honored in the way that you deserve.





Is asking for commitment too much?


The short answer: No.


One of the biggest misconceptions around commitment is that there should be none in the beginning, then one day you get it, and after that you have it.


That's not exactly the way it works.


Commitment is not a static thing that you get from someone and then you have it. Commitment is an evolutionary thing.


Commitment is something that should be there in the beginning and grow over time. Asking for commitment isn't so much about having "the talk" as it is about knowing what you expect at each stage in the relationship and when it's not happening naturally, you ask for it.


For example:


On a first date, commitment looks like showing up on time, being interested in you, making conversation, asking for a second date, and calling/texting afterward.


That is the appropriate level of commitment for a first date. Someone who shows less than that is showing less than the appropriate level of commitment.


3 months in, the appropriate level of commitment is knowing how they feel about you, knowing that they want a relationship between the two of you to work out, and being ready to make it exclusive to give the relationship an honest chance.


That's the appropriate level of commitment for 3 months and someone who demonstrates less than that is demonstrating less than the appropriate level.


When you know the level of commitment that you're looking for, you'll know if you're receiving it from this person or not. When you're not, that's the time to ask for it.


With the right person, each new level of commitment will tend to come naturally and you'll rarely have to ask for it, although you will have discussions about where your re