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Is He Really Into You?

There is almost nothing more exciting than the beginning of a new relationship.

You really like someone and you're starting to allow yourself to dream about it. You think, "Maybe I've finally found what I've been looking for."

You see everything that's right about this guy, all the reasons it should work out, and dream about how perfect it all is, hoping that it falls into place the way you imagine it will.

You really want to believe it and you are so excited by the hope of it, yet there is one question that is bothering you:

Does he feel the same way?

Before you let yourself go entirely, you want to know that it's not all for nothing. You've been hurt before and you're trying to learn from the mistakes of the past. You know all too well the pain of falling for someone who doesn't feel the same way and you don't want to fall into that trap.

You almost can't help but let your mind wander to those places and you wish you could know for sure.

Are you wasting your time here? Or is he really into you?

This is such an important question for you to ask before you give too much to any relationship, and there are some definite ways to know for sure. In this post, we're sharing the tell-tale signs that he's into you and wants more than just a fling.

First, is he willing to be exclusive?

Exclusivity is simply the decision you make together to say that we are not seeing anyone else because we want to give this relationship an honest chance to see where it can go.

Until you make that decision, you can't take any relationship too seriously.

The guideline we give is 3 months. That's how long it takes when you are consistently talking to and dating someone to decide if you want to be exclusive with them. It can take less time than that (and often does) but it doesn't take longer.

When a man wants to drag it on with no commitment, he is showing you that he doesn't want to be committed. He may have great reasons and justifications for why but it doesn't change the simple truth:

He doesn't want to commit to you.

The trap that you will likely fall into here is thinking that if you can just keep this going in a casual way, he will eventually see how great you are and change his mind. But if you've been down this road before, you know that doesn't usually work out.

There are men who want a relationship and men who don't. A man who does knows what he wants. If he is pushing off commitment he either doesn't want it or he doesn't want it with you.

That can be tough to face up to, especially if you really like him, but it's so important that you don't avoid this point. Not everything is meant to be and that's ok. What's not ok is trying to prove yourself to someone who is never going to make you happy.

You deserve someone who wants you now, not "possibly someday" in the future. Make that a requirement for yourself. Before you allow yourself to fall for someone, he needs to want to be with you enough to make it exclusive.

Until then, it's just an exploration.

Next, does he make the effort?

It's important to recognize that him wanting you, by itself, isn't enough.

Some men will be into you and even be willing to be exclusive but not want to work for the relationship. When you allow someone into your life and heart who doesn't earn the right to be there, you always regret it down the road.

Of course, he should want you. You shouldn't waste your time with anyone who doesn't make that clear, but that alone means nothing. He needs to want you, recognize how valuable you are, and want to work to be deserving of your Love.

Happy relationships happen when two people recognize how much value the other person brings to their life and so they consistently make the effort to make that person feel Loved and appreciated.

When a man is genuinely interested in you, even at the beginning, he will make the effort to show you. Any man who expects you to do all the work or to have access to your life without earning it isn't a man at all.

He's a boy who wants a toy to play with.

Games are for boys. Men know what they want and they aren't afraid to talk about it and act on it. Find a man who is clear that he wants you and is willing to make the effort to show you that.

If he's not doing that early on, he's not going to change down the road.

And perhaps most importantly, is he consistent?

You don't want someone who is wildly passionate and romantic one day and a ghost the next; someone who is there for the fun, but not interested in the day-to-day. One of the most telling qualities of a man's true interest is that he wants to be there, in whatever capacity he can.

If he only wants to see you last minute or late at night, he's not really into you. You are his last resort.

If you hang out from time to time and he goes dark in-between, he not really into you. He's just into a good time.

If your entire relationship is on his terms and he gives no consideration to yours, he's not really into you. He just wants you to be available for his enjoyment.

You might want to allow this behavior because you're just getting to know each other and you don't want to create a problem, but what you have to realize is that the way he's going about it is actually showing you who he is.

If he isn't consistent, he's not interested in you, really. He might be interested in having you available for a good time, to have fun with, or as a friend, but he's not interested in a relationship.

If he were, he would be doing everything differently.

When a man is really into you, consistency comes naturally to him. He doesn't wait 3 days to text you, he texts you because he's thinking about you and wants to talk. He wants to talk to you even when he can't see you that day.

He wants to be a part of your life, even if that means just texting, a phone call, or Facetime.

He makes plans with you in advance because he wants to make sure he'll see you. He's not just calling last-minute when there's nothing better going on. He responds to texts and calls and initiates them himself.

Respect yourself enough to accept only consistency from someone you're dating. Lack of consistency is an obvious red flag for lack of true interest.

Sometimes you find that when a man wants commitment, is making the effort, and is consistent with you it's a turn-off, and what turns you on is someone who makes it hard for you, sends you mixed signals, and makes you feel like you have to prove yourself.

That's a normal experience, but not a healthy one.

When you approach dating in that way, you only find boring guys who let you walk all over them and jerks who walk all over you, while the men who would've treated you right (but may have seemed "safe" or "boring") went and found a woman who would take them seriously.

You might have heard us say that you can only find the Love you believe you deserve. When you are clear about how you expect to be treated, you'll start to find that behavior most attractive and that will cause you to start attracting entirely new kinds of men.

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And thank you for reading. Lots of Love <3

Thank you so much for enjoying our content! Our greatest joy comes from knowing that people like you are using it to transform your lives and relationships and that the world is becoming a better place because of it.

We know the feeling of being alone, of struggling through what seems like an endless series of dead-end relationships, of waiting for the phone to ring, of being rejected and let down again and again.

We know what it's like to go to bed alone each night wondering if that will ever change and fearing that it might not.

We know these experiences all too well and that is why we do the work we do. We want you to know that you can find Love, that the application of these simple tools and practices can make a complete difference in every aspect of your Love life, ultimately leading you to the intimate, loving, lifetime partnership you so deeply crave.

You're not in this alone. We're here for you <3

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