Ever been in a relationship that wasn't really a relationship?
It's a painful place to be, especially when you're the one who wants it to be a real relationship.
You want Love, depth, and intimacy. You want to feel like you can trust your partner,like they have your back and they'll catch you when you fall.
And you're together in every way that a couple is but when someone asks if you're together they say, "It's complicated."
When you're alone, it's like you're the only two people in the world, but when other people are around you don't feel so important.
When you're apart it's tough to get in touch or get a clear answer about when you'll see them again.
When you try to talk about the future and where it's going, they laugh it off or make it seem like it's no big deal and you feel bad for bringing it up.
You might think that you're happy with this person but you also realize that this relationship stresses you out a lot more than it does them. And when you think about it, that's especially frustrating for you.
It's hard when you want a relationship with someone but you don't know where you stand with them, and they won't tell you.
You want to invest more and grow into this relationship, but you can't help feeling like you're wasting your time.
These kinds of things are so normalized that you may not even see something wrong with it, but allowing this to go on is truly one of the worst mistakes you can make in dating.
In this post, we're sharing some important insights about "complicated" relationships that anyone who is actively dating should be aware of.
1. It is a relationship, even when you don't call it that.
You don't just want a relationship, you want a commitment.
You want that because you know it's what you deserve and you're only tolerating less because you're hoping that one day it will become more.
When you have strong feelings for someone, you're possibly sleeping with them, and this is happening on an ongoing basis, you're now involved in a way where there's no easy way out. When you allow this with someone who offers you no commitment, you only set yourself up to be let down time and time again.
When they don't want to own up to this relationship, it's because they don't want to face up to the accountability that comes with it.
But someone who wants a relationship with no accountability wants someone to use, not someone to Love.
You might think that if you just hang on long enough and continue to show them how great you are and how great you could be together, they will finally see it too and fall in Love with you and everything will get better.
It won't happen that way, but not because you're not worth it. It's because you want different things.
You want someone to Love and to build a life with and they just want to have a good time. Good times are great but if you want more than that you're not going to find it with someone who's only looking for fun.
The gift of being in a relationship with you should only be given to someone who's willing to earn it. That's the only way you will feel valued and appreciated and the only way you can truly be happy in that relationship.
2. Commitment is important.
Simply put, commitment is what we give to the people and the things that are important to us.
A Loving parent gets up in the middle of the night to care for their crying child, why? Because that child is important to them. They make the commitment to care for the child because the child is important to them.
If you love your work and care about your career, you show up on time, put in overtime, and do your very best on your projects. It's important to you and therefore deserves your commitment.
The same rules apply in a relationship. When you're important to someone, they offer you their commitment.
Love looks a certain way, it's not mysterious. If you have to constantly wonder if you're important to someone, it's because they aren't showing you that you're important to them.
Commitment shows that they respect you and appreciate you. It's how they demonstrate that you're important to them.
Looking to a non-committal person for Love is looking for Love where there is none. It will also destroy your self-worth, your confidence, and your belief that Love is real. When the relationship finally ends, you'll not only have wasted your time but you might even feel like finding True Love is impossible.
Wanting a non-committal relationship doesn't make someone a bad person, but allowing someone to give you less than you truly desire will only leave you feeling unfulfilled.
If you want more from Love, you can't settle for less. It will only hurt you in the long run.
3. What Does Commitment Look Like?
Commitment doesn't come down the road in a relationship. It's there from the beginning. When you want a committed relationship, you have to look for it from the beginning.
Someone who is interested in getting to know you will be consistent.
You'll notice early on that they are responsive. They will respond to calls and messages, they will make plans to see you in advance, and they won't cancel last minute.
They won't come on strong in bursts and then disappear. They will be consistent over time.
They will show up for you time after time.
They will make themselves available for you.
They will go out of their way for you.
You will feel important to them because they work hard to show you that you are important to them.
When someone says to you, "I'm not looking for anything serious, I just want to get to know people and see where it goes," don't tell them you're cool with that when really you're not.
Instead say, "Oh well that's too bad because I am looking for something serious, but I hope you find what you're looking for. I'm not it."
And then stop talking to them.
When you know what you want, it becomes very easy to identify when it's not present. This is what consciously creating a relationship is. It's not "anything goes" anymore. It's having clarity about the qualities of the relationship that you're looking for and the courage to move on when they're not present.
When you know that you want a committed relationship, you look for the signs of commitment in someone. When you don't see those signs, you lose interest and you move on.
Creating a conscious relationship is a process of clarity, confidence, and power.
It is knowing what you want and looking for only that.
It is asking for what you want and expecting that someone will want you to have it.
It is trusting yourself and your heart over other people's opinions.
Everyone can find this but most people don't. Most people sell out to their fears of being rejected and alone. Their need for attention and approval makes their decisions for them and it leads them to places that don't get them what they truly want and that they don't really want to be.
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And thank you for reading. Lots of Love <3
Thank you so much for enjoying our content! Our greatest joy comes from knowing that people like you are using it to transform your lives and relationships and that the world is becoming a better place because of it.
We know the feeling of being alone, of struggling through what seems like an endless series of dead-end relationships, of waiting for the phone to ring, of being rejected and let down again and again.
We know what it's like to go to bed alone each night wondering if that will ever change and fearing that it might not.
We know these experiences all too well and that is why we do the work we do. We want you to know that you can find Love, that the application of these simple tools and practices can make a complete difference in every aspect of your Love life, ultimately leading you to the intimate, loving, lifetime partnership you so deeply crave.
You're not in this alone. We're here for you <3