top of page
Search

Should I Date a Man Who's Just Getting Out of a Relationship?




What do you do when you've met a man that you really like, you really want to explore

things with him, and he's just coming out of a previous relationship?


You want to be excited about this, but you're also cautious. You've heard many people say that this never works out, you're just a rebound, he needs time to heal, and so on.


At the same time, you're not sure how true all of this is and there are many things about him that make you think it could work. You don't want to miss out on a potentially amazing man just because of some things you've heard.


So you really just want to know, "Is this a mistake or not? If I explore this, is it going to end well?"


And we wish we could give you a simple Yes or No answer, but like most things, it's not that easy.


In this post, we're going to give you some insight into how to navigate dating someone who's "fresh" out of a breakup and how to determine for yourself if this is a rebound or if he's real potential.





First, is there a right amount of time after ending a relationship?


The simple answer:


No, there's not.


Not all relationships are the same and not all people are in the same place when ending them so you have to look at this on an individual basis. Some people are completely devastated while others feel a sense of freedom and passion that they've been missing for years.


And certainly, we can find ourselves anywhere in between.


How much time someone needs before they are ready to move on depends on where that person is in their process.


Specifically, are they in a place of resistance or acceptance?


If they are in resistance to what is happening they most likely need time to heal and come to acceptance. Until they get there, anyone they get involved with will likely be a rebound.


As you consider this person, ask yourself: Are they in resistance to this breakup, or have they accepted it?


Some other questions to ask yourself are:


Emotionally, is he at peace or in turmoil?


Does he see the breakup as a positive thing and recognize that there are better things ahead or does he think it shouldn't have happened?


When you're together does he seem to be more interested in you or in his ex?


You should never put yourself in a position where you have to compete with anyone for his attention, especially not his ex. If he's not ready to have someone else become the most important woman in his life, then he's not ready for you.


As you consider this, it's so important to be honest with yourself. Remember that keeping him around isn't the goal, the goal is a truly fulfilling relationship.



Is he really interested or am I just a rebound?


What does it mean to be his rebound?


Essentially, it means that he is using you to mitigate the pain of the breakup rather than having a sincere interest in you.


Sometimes after a breakup, the pain of being alone is so intense that we quickly look for company, often romantic company. The companionship (and sex) can help to soften the intense feeling of loneliness that comes from the loss.


If you don't know what you're looking for, it can be very easy to mistake someone's desire to "not be alone" as a sincere desire to be with you.


Answering this question will require you to be very honest with yourself. Especially when you really want him to want you, it will be very easy to convince yourself of something that you know in your heart isn't true.


Some key things to look for are:


He frequently talks about his ex, relates everything back to her, and finds reasons to mention her name.


He seems to have an overall sadness about him rather than the excitement someone usually has in the beginning of a new relationship.


He still maintains communication with her and actively seeks out opportunities to connect with her.


You never want to be someone's rebound. You want someone who wants you, not someone who's with you because he can't have who he really wants.


You may understand his heartbreak and you may even want to help, but remember that truly helping someone would never hurt you and being second best is hurtful.


In these situations, you usually aren't the help he needs, you're only helping him avoid, and it ultimately hurts you both more in the long run.



Does dating after a recent breakup ever work out?


Yes, it can.


In fact, when a person is truly ready to end the relationship, they often need very little time to heal and may be more open to a new relationship than they've ever been before.


Most breakups begin well before they officially happen. So often, even though it's fresh, a lot of the healing and letting go has already been done. We've seen situations where couples have met literally the next day after a breakup and created an amazing relationship together.


Life works in mysterious ways and there's no way it's "supposed" to look. That's why it's so important that you know what you're looking for in your partner and be able to identify it because no external circumstances will be able to give you the answers.


You'll know he wants to be with you because of how he treats you. He'll make you a priority, it will be obvious he's not preoccupied with anyone else, and there won't be any "drama" that prevents him from being present to you.


When we really break it down, his relationship history, however recent, isn't what's important. It's who he is as a person and where he's at in his life. There are many reasons that someone may not be ready for you and a past relationship is only one of them.


When you look at the other person and make concessions in what you want to accommodate his situation, you start down a slippery slope. You deserve the juicy, passionate Love you're dreaming about and he's either ready to create that with you or he isn't.


This trap is so easy to fall into and most people do. When you aren't clear about what you want and you haven't backed yourself with the confidence and worthiness to stand up for it, you'll be more likely to make these concessions.


It's really not about the other person, it's about you.


You are creating the relationship that you dream about so you need to decide for yourself if this is someone you can create it with and if not, you have to trust that someone better is getting to you as fast as they can.


We created A Crash Course in Love for this reason. This 4-week breakthrough experience is designed to give you access to the clarity and worthiness necessary to create your ideal partnership.


If you know you're ready for that breakthrough, click here to learn more.


Thanks for reading. Lots of Love <3







Thank you so much for enjoying our content! Our greatest joy comes from knowing that people like you are using it to transform your lives and relationships and that the world is becoming a better place because of it.

We know the feeling of being alone, of struggling through what seems like an endless series of dead-end relationships, of waiting for the phone to ring, of being rejected and let down again and again.


We know what it's like to go to bed alone each night wondering if that will ever change and fearing that it might not.


We know these experiences all too well and that is why we do the work we do. We want you to know that you can find Love, that the application of these simple tools and practices can make a complete difference in every aspect of your Love life, ultimately leading you to the intimate, loving, lifetime partnership you so deeply crave.


You're not in this alone. We're here for you <3

Comentários


bottom of page