We've made our life's work studying relationships...
All different kinds of relationships with all different kinds of people in all different kinds of places.
Relationships are incredibly involved and complex. They can take many different forms and show up in all kinds of ways but when we really look at it, we can narrow them all down to 2 categories:
Relationships that are going somewhere and relationships that aren't.
This comes after coaching hundreds of individuals in creating their Lifetime Love, after seeing many people get married (and many get divorced), and after our own experiences surviving all kinds of toxic situations and finally making our way to each other.
What we're sharing with you here are the patterns we've observed time and time again, and we can say with certainty that when a relationship is going somewhere, it follows a natural timeline.
If you know what you're looking for, you can see from very early on how much potential a relationship really has. Being able to see that is the difference between spending 3 months with the wrong person and 3 years with them.
Probably the most important thing to pay attention to is the timeline we're about to share with you.
When a relationship is going somewhere, it naturally unfolds along this timeline. And when someone is preventing it from moving forward, they are showing you there's no real future with them.
To simplify this conversation, we're going to break down the first 2 years of a relationship into 3 phases:
The Discovery Phase, the Building Phase, and the Commitment Phase.
By helping you understand how these phases unfold and what they look like, you can know if your relationship is on track to actually go somewhere.
Conscious Relationships unfold along this natural timeline. In this post, we're revealing what that timeline is so you can recognize it and know if the relationship you're in is on track for a real future.
Phase 1: The Discovery Phase (0-3 Months)
The Discovery Phase is exactly what it sounds like--you are in discovery with this person to see the true potential you have to create a lasting, Loving, and conscious relationship together.
This phase begins with a mutual interest in each other and ends when you become an exclusive couple. It's important to note that most of the people you develop an interest in will never make it beyond this phase--
And that's ok!
Not all relationships are meant to be. When you meet someone, don't have an unrealistic desire to make the relationship go somewhere. Instead, acknowledge that there's a good chance it won't and explore what true potential you do have, if any, with each other.
When you do this consciously and honestly, it won't take more than 3 months to determine how much potential you have and in most cases, it won't even take that long.
The problem that most of us encounter in this phase is not being honest about what we see. Even when we see that there's not much real potential, we're not ready to let go so we cling to the relationship, hanging on longer than we should. The relationship has no future but we cling to it anyway, holding on until it just gets too destructive or too painful.
If the potential isn't there, you'll never really make it out of the Discovery Phase, meaning you'll never make it to a deeper level of commitment. This is why couples can spend years together, still in discovery, never taking any significant steps forward.
In the Discovery Phase, you simply want to establish 3 things:
1. That you're both looking for a long-term relationship
2. That you have a sincere interest in exploring that with each other
3. That you are both ready to honestly explore that possibility together
Once you establish these 3 things and make your relationship exclusive, the Discovery phase is over. If you can't establish this in about 3 months, it's unlikely you will.
Phase 2: The Building Phase (3-12 Months)
Once you have mutually established those 3 things, you're complete in the Discovery Phase and ready to move into the Building Phase.
This is where you find out if this relationship is meant to last. Within about a year of being with each other, you'll get really clear about where this is going and what kind of future you have together.
It's in this 3-12 month period that you exit from what most people call the "honeymoon stage" and enter into the "real life" stages.
You start to see each other when you're not putting on your best face.
You have your first disagreements.
You confront your differences in opinions, beliefs, and lifestyles.
Relationships are great in the good times but it's the challenging times that build them. That's what the second phase is all about.
It's easy to think that you have a great relationship when everyone is getting what they want but what happens when it's not so easy? Do you stick together when things get tough and Love each other through it? Or do you disconnect and avoid?
That's what makes or breaks a relationship, not the "good" stuff.
Some things to pay attention to are:
Can you meet in a forgiving and understanding spirit?
Can you listen and hear what each other is trying to communicate?
Can you develop the necessary communication skills to work through the challenges you confront together?
Can you both take accountability for your mistakes and try to do better as you move forward?
It's here that you develop the skills that you will use for the rest of your lives together, it's where you prove yourselves to each other and earn the trust of your partner, and where you let your partner know that when things get tough, you have their back and you're not going to disappear on them.
The most important thing in the first year is to ask yourself:
Do we have what it takes as a couple to last long-term?
Do we work through challenges in an empowering way?
Do we support each other?
And are we deepening our Trust with each other?
By the time you reach the 1-year mark, you should be relatively confident that you do.
Phase 3: The Commitment Phase (12-24 Months)
The second year of your relationship is the Commitment Phase, where you start to plan your lifetime commitments together.
You start to plan for things like moving in together, marriage, and family. If those aren't your personal plans, then you'll be discussing what is, but the point is that you start to look to the future as a "we" and what "our" plans are, rather than "me" and what "my" plans are.
It's important to note that this isn't the first time you're talking about these things. You've been talking about them since the start. This is simply when you start planning them.
It's actually the most natural thing to do because you've been talking to them all along. In the Discovery Phase, you communicated what you were looking for in life and made sure that you were both on the same page. In the Building Phase, you confronted challenges together and created trust.
Now in the Commitment Phase, stepping into these commitments is completely natural because you've known that this is where you have been headed all along.
Sometimes couples try to jump into this phase very early on and they almost always self-destruct. They haven't encountered the necessary challenges they needed to build trust with each other, they were only riding the high of the honeymoon.
True Love, like anything worthwhile, doesn't happen overnight. You might have feelings overnight but if those feelings aren't backed up with commitment over time, the feelings will fade and there will be nothing left.
You reach this phase of the relationship because you were honest in the discovery phase and made the conscious choice to move forward, you did the work in the building phase so that you had the trust that would lead you here.
This really isn't about being together for two years, or even about getting married. It's about the relationship you've created together in those two years.
We're not suggesting that all relationships follow this timeline. Obviously, they don't. What we're suggesting is that when you consciously create a relationship and move through it with intention, it will unfold along these lines.
Some will move through these phases faster and others slower. For example, if you never met in person in the first 3 months, then your Discovery Phase will likely last a bit longer.
Maybe you confront some really tough challenges during the Building Phase and you don't really make it into the Commitment Phase until around 18 months.
While there are exceptions, when you start to deviate too much from this timeline, you usually end up wasting a lot of time. If you feel like you've been stuck in a particular phase without progressing forward then it's likely that that's what's happening.
You move through these phases using powerful communication and your job is to know what to communicate, when to communicate it, and how to do so. When you do that, the true nature of the relationship will reveal itself.
Something we specialize in with our clients is helping you understand how to navigate this timeline and communicate the right things at the right time. If you're ready to learn to use these powerful communication tools to consciously create your ideal relationship, click here to schedule an introductory session with us.
Join us for a free online workshop this Thursday. We'll be sharing 3 secrets for meeting your ideal partner and create your Epic Love Story. Click here to register for free.
Wishing you lots of Love. Thanks for reading <3
Thank you so much for enjoying our content! Our greatest joy comes from knowing that people like you are using it to transform your lives and relationships and that the world is becoming a better place because of it.
We know the feeling of being alone, of struggling through what seems like an endless series of dead-end relationships, of waiting for the phone to ring, of being rejected and let down again and again.
We know what it's like to go to bed alone each night wondering if that will ever change and fearing that it might not.
We know these experiences all too well and that is why we do the work we do. We want you to know that you can find Love, that the application of these simple tools and practices can make a complete difference in every aspect of your Love life, ultimately leading you to the intimate, loving, lifetime partnership you so deeply crave.
You're not in this alone. We're here for you <3