"What Are We Doing Here?..." How to Have "The Talk"

For most people, dating is just about playing the field, seeing what shows up, and taking it as it comes.

Most people don't have much intention for things to go somewhere. They might hope that it does or dream about how it might but they're not too serious about it. They're content to just play the game and see where it takes them.

There's something to be said for going with the flow, not becoming overly attached and trying to force things, but too many of us take this to a negative extreme. No attachment becomes no intention and no direction so we endlessly repeat the same cycles that lead nowhere.

Relationships as a whole then become a huge letdown and we constantly feel disappointed and unfulfilled.

For someone like you, who truly desires a partnership that is meaningful and fulfilling, you want all the effort you put into dating to actually lead somewhere and you can't afford to waste your time just "playing the game".

To actually get somewhere, you have to date with a clear intention about what you're expecting to find and not allow yourself to get stuck in someone else's game. You have to learn how to identify real potential in someone and do so before you waste too much time with them.

And something you definitely need to do is learn how to have "the talk"--the "what are we doing here" conversation.

For most people, this is one of the most awkward and fearful aspects of dating and one area where we tend to make the most mistakes. This post is written as a step-by-step guide to having "the talk".

Following the instructions we lay out here will make this conversation easy and natural and will allow you to determine the true potential of the relationship within the first few months you are together.

So first, when is a good time to start "the talk"?

This may come as a surprise to you but the first "talk" should be on the first date.

The first mistake that most of us make is that we bring it up way too late. There's this false idea that dating should be casual in the beginning and become more serious as we go along but when you do it that way, you're beginning every single relationship on the wrong foot.

You might think, "I can't come on too strong in the beginning. I have to act cool, make it seem like I have no expectations and I'm ok with whatever, and we can make it more serious later on."

When you start a new relationship this way, what you are actually communicating to the person is exactly that:

"I'm not interested in anything serious and I'm cool with whatever."

That is the worst message you can send to someone, especially when the dating world is full of people just looking for easy hookups with no commitment.

You think if you seem too serious in the beginning you'll scare people off and most likely, you will, but only the people that didn't want anything serious anyway. You'll scare away the people who are looking for an easy hookup and that's a good thing. It will save you a lot of wasted time.

So what does this first conversation look like? Something like this:

"I have to be honest with you because I don't want to waste my time or yours. I'm sincerely looking for a long-term relationship and I just want to know if you're looking for the same thing. If you're not, that's cool, but then I don't think we should take this any further."

With this statement, you are clearly communicating what you want to this person without putting any pressure on them. They are completely free to make whatever choice they feel is right for them but they know where you stand if they choose to continue seeing you.

By following this first suggestion, you ensure that any relationship you get involved