When you meet someone you like, of course you want them to like you back.
Especially after you've hit it off once or a few times, you start to really want it to go somewhere. And if you're really into them, you imagine what it could be like when you're together and you start to dream about it.
You start to think that all your fantasies about True Love may finally come true.
And then the fear creeps in...
Do they like me as much as I like them?
Are they thinking about me right now?
Are they thinking about someone else?
Am I coming on too strong? Should I pull back?
All this inevitably leads you to one idea: How do I get them to like me?
And now you try to prove yourself. You try to show them how great you are, how great you could be together, and why they should pick you.
We call this the "Pick Me!" Mentality in dating, and it is one of the most destructive traps you can fall into. The moment you start to think that you want someone to pick you, you have given away all of your power and you're headed for disaster.
The worst thing about it is that it doesn't work at all. There's a universal rule that says the more you want someone, the less they want you.
But there's a profound truth that states that the more you know what you want regardless of anyone else, the more attractive you become to people who could give you what you want.
In this post, we're sharing why you NEVER need to prove yourself to anyone and how when you get free of this need, you instantly become more attractive, more fun, and dating becomes an entirely new game.
For Starters, the "Pick Me" Mentality Does Not Work!
When you want someone to be attracted to you, the worst thing you can do is to TRY to get them to like you.
Nobody is attracted to that.
Think back on your life, anytime someone tried to get you to like them--people who wanted a date, other kids at school, colleagues at work, whoever it was--and ask yourself, "How did I honestly see that person?"
Even if you thought of them kindly, you weren't attracted to them, and the more they tried to get your attention, the less attractive to you they became.
Simply put, wanting someone is not attractive. What's attractive is being an awesome person who has a fulfilled and joyful life, who is actively engaged with things and people that make their life better.
When you live your life that way, people are naturally attracted to you. They see that you're a quality person and you have too much going on to be worried about whether someone likes you or not.
You also understand that someone who doesn't appreciate you for who you are isn't really worth much of your time or attention anyway.
Now, we are in no way suggesting that you be inauthentic. We are actually suggesting that you be more authentic!
If you like someone, tell them that. Let them know you want them to ask you out. Let them know that if they want to make an effort, you'll entertain it, but don't be attached to whether they do or not.
People don't want to be pushed to want you. They want to see you as such an awesome person that they feel excited and fortunate to spend time with you. They want to see you the same way you want to see them.
There's nothing you can do to get someone to like you. What you can do is be your best self and give them the space to make up their own mind. Let them see how awesome you are without any attachment to how they take it and let them decide for themselves how they feel.
Also this: You Attract the Wrong People and Destroy Your Self-Esteem
When you play the "Pick Me" game, you can only meet 2 kinds of people:
Someone who finds it unattractive and will quickly lose interest.
Someone who has such a low self-image that they need someone to want them in order to feel better about themselves.
So what does this mean?
It means it's impossible to meet the right person until you lose this mentality.
If you meet person #1, who is most likely a quality person, they will be turned off by it. Even if they authentically like you, they will feel suffocated by your "need" for them to want you and it will push them away. They won't feel free in the relationship.
If you meet person #2, you will potentially have a relationship that lasts for some time but it won't be a happy one. They will constantly manipulate your feelings to try and feel better about themselves and it will never be enough.
These relationships always end up the same way, one person bending over backward to please the other and it never being enough. This goes on until the dominant person gets bored or the submissive partner is devastated.
In either case, it never ends well.
As long as you are trying to prove yourself as worthy of someone's Love and affection you will constantly end up in relationships with people who are willing to take advantage of that.
You will never be appreciated and respected by your partners and in the long run, it will destroy your self-esteem.
It takes a lot of courage to discover your worth and own it, but you deserve to give yourself that gift. Your happiness and fulfillment depend on it.
And here's the BIGGEST problem: You Never Find Someone Who Loves You For You
When it comes down to it, all we really want from Love is someone who will Love and appreciate us for who we are, someone we can be ourselves with and be fully accepted, a relationship where we drop the games and the acts and just live happily together.
Somehow, we've come to believe that the way to find Love is through the games and acts we put on to meet people. We think that if we can put on a good enough act, someone will finally Love us for who we are when actually, that makes no sense at all.
Finding Love shouldn't be so complex and it isn't. The only reason it's become so difficult is because most people are literally terrified to be themselves, so you rarely truly meet anyone.
When you're trying to get to know someone, there are so many layers of games and defenses to get through that most people give up before they ever get close to knowing each other.
That's how the game is playing out for the masses but you have to realize that there are more and more people waking up to this and starting to play a new game.
The new game is this:
Be your authentic self.
Only entertain people who are being their authentic selves.
Give everyone the freedom to decide how they feel about you.
Only when you and someone else show an authentic interest in each other do you entertain a relationship.
Know your standards and your boundaries and communicate about them every step of the way.
When you play this game you entertain much fewer people but those you do entertain have high potential. Even better, you use all the time you save by not dating dead-ends to invest in living a life that is exciting and fulfilling.
As a couple of people who have played both games extensively, we can tell you that this new game is SOOOOO much better and it's the only way you to meet someone who will Love you for who you are.
You NEVER have to try to prove yourself in dating because in reality, it gets you nothing. It drives away even the best people, kills your self-esteem, and it reinforces the ideas that you're not enough for anyone and Love is impossible to find.
But we understand it because we've done it more times than we're proud to say and there's only one solution that we know of:
Know your worth and value, learn that someone who doesn't see it isn't worth your time, and make the decision that you will only invest in relationships that show true potential.
Easier said than done, we know. You may not even know where to start with those instructions so start here. We're hosting a free workshop for you this Thursday sharing in-depth about the 3 Secrets that will change how you do relationships and dating. Join us and we'll tell you exactly where to go from here.
Thanks for reading. Lots of Love <3
Thank you so much for enjoying our content! Our greatest joy comes from knowing that people like you are using it to transform your lives and relationships and that the world is becoming a better place because of it.
We know the feeling of being alone, of struggling through what seems like an endless series of dead-end relationships, of waiting for the phone to ring, of being rejected and let down again and again.
We know what it's like to go to bed alone each night wondering if that will ever change and fearing that it might not.
We know these experiences all too well and that is why we do the work we do. We want you to know that you can find Love, that the application of these simple tools and practices can make a complete difference in every aspect of your Love life, ultimately leading you to the intimate, loving, lifetime partnership you so deeply crave.
You're not in this alone. We're here for you <3