Search

Why Love Feels Impossible in Modern Dating


Love is a fundamental human need.


It's not just something we want, it's essential to a fulfilled and happy life.


Loneliness is at the heart of all depression and human beings are not meant to be alone. We are meant to live in community and cooperation with each other. We are meant to be in relationships.


It's obvious how much we crave Love, especially romantic Love. Our culture is literally obsessed with it.


You see it in music, movies, and TV. Over the centuries people have written plays and poetry about it, even fought wars over it. The desire for Love and connection is woven into the fabric of being human and when you really look at it, there's no way to deny it.


Despite this, we have developed very sophisticated ways of blocking ourselves off from Love and even avoiding it.


For something that everyone wants, we make it really difficult to get.


Modern dating is mostly a power play and even in long-term relationships we often become so disconnected that we can't find the place in our hearts where we used to Love our partner.


For most people, the insanity that we experience in our Love lives remains an inexplicable mystery, we end up thinking that something is wrong with us, that Love just doesn't work out, or that we're doomed to suffer in relationships.


In this post, we're going to help demystify this situation. We're going to explain what it is that we're really looking for from our Love Relationships and why it feels so difficult to find it.





So What is It that We Really Want?


When it comes down to it, what we're really looking for isn't that complex.


We want to feel safe, comforted, appreciated, and Loved. We want to have people in our lives that we can rely on implicitly. We want to know that when s*** goes down, they'll be there.


We all struggle with the feeling of being alone. It's built into life itself.


You come into this world alone and you leave alone. You can only ever experience life from your perspective and nobody else can ever see it from yours. In so many ways, this is a personal journey.


Safe and healthy relationships are a way to soften that feeling of loneliness so even though you are on a personal journey, you're not on it alone.


When life gets overwhelming, scary, or heartbreaking, we want to know that someone is there to hold us, listen to us, and care for us until we're ready to take care of ourselves again.


When we really get to the heart of the issue, this is what we're looking for. All of our power plays, fights, games, and sexual conquests are really just an attempt to find safe and secure Love.


Most of us have so many false ideas about what Love is, how it's found, and what we are supposed to do to get it that our attempts to find Love become the very things that keep it out of our reach.


These false ideas mixed with our own self-doubt and feelings of unworthiness are a perfect recipe for a lifetime of loneliness. Many of us even get married and have a family but never escape those feelings of being alone.


To truly find the satisfaction and fulfillment we want in relationships, we must first uncover the limiting ideas that are preventing us from finding it.